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I had a cousin with which I was very close. We were part of a set of three cousins growing up...the first on my mother's side of the family and for several years we were the only grandchildren.

We were like the "Three Musketeers" and always played together and ate together at Grandma's Sunday dinners.

One of my cousins started going back for "thirds" (we all did "seconds") and from then on it seemed like she was always eating something.

She continued to overeat into young adulthood. Then it started to unravel. Her excess weight set off what the doctors referred to as "adult-onset dibetes". Then the next dominoe fell and she lost feeling in her feet.

It didn't stop there. She went blind as a result of the diabetes and conditions worsened. We lost her last year, but I can't help but think something could have been done, early on, and she would still be with us.

This has to stop...we can't brush it under the table anymore.

I completely understand and I very sorry for your loss. Not only that, but I understand your sense of helplessness at her self-destructive behavior.

I think the point is, that your cousin had to make the decision to save herself. No amount of external haranguing, pushing or shaming her could change her behavior. In fact, that kind of thing often weakens a person's will to the point where they don't want to bother doing the right thing. Her only hope, was to find the strength within herself to choose life, to know she was loved even when she screwed up and to get right back on track.

I am not saying that we should not call a spade a spade, because we must in order to make sure people understand the choices they are making . But we must also approach this with a great deal of compassion—not absolving them of responsibility—but understanding that doing the right thing can be very difficult.