Street people could help with streetcars (Austin Capital Metro Insanity)

Austin American Statesman ^ | 7/11/06 | John Kelso

[Cat loving Texan]

I've come up with a way to help Capital Metro pay for the proposed downtown streetcar line.

Let the street people help out by taking up a collection at the intersections around town.

Sure, this is going to be a little tough and would require some diligent work from Austin's appraisal-deprived community. The proposed line would cost $233 million, and Cap Metro says it can afford to fork over only about 20 percent of that figure. That leaves a shortfall of nearly $187 million.

What this means is that if you had 100 winos hanging out at 25 intersections raising $50 a day each, it would take 10.24 years to get the money to put in a streetcar line, assuming none of them took time off for vacation. But what's the rush? Anyone riding Cap Metro wouldn't be in a hurry anyway.

Streetcar, street people: It goes without saying that they'll be there on the platform when the streetcar is up and running and the conductor hollers, "All aboard." So since they'll be riding this pony, why shouldn't they help raise the smackolas?

Gathering funds is what these people do for a living. They're out there every day in all sorts of weather making the United Way look like amateurs. Who better to help out in these troubled times for Cap Metro? Get 'em out there holding up signs for donations.

Instead of "Will Work for Food," how about "Give a nickel to a bum; catch a ride to the Super Drum."

Or, "Don't just sit there and freeload; hitch a ride to Manor Road."

Or, "Hey, you, fat boy, in that truck; park that Ford — cough up a buck."

See, here's the problem. Cap Metro wants to build a 6.5-mile streetcar line through the middle of town that would run from the Seaholm Power Plant area near Town Lake up Congress Avenue and San Jacinto Boulevard through the University of Texas and then east on Manor Road and on to the old Mueller Airport site. The 700-acre Mueller property is going to be developed into a mix of businesses, condos and a children's hospital.

In other words, there will be a gaggle of Googlers living out there, with a Starbucks or two and a Subway sandwich shop. And latte. Oceans and oceans of latte.

I like streetcars. No, I don't think having one running through town will solve Austin's traffic problems. But let's face it: Streetcars are cute, and I figure Austin having a streetcar would do at least as much for Austin economically as the World's Largest Jackrabbit has done for Odessa.

It's just too bad that with all the money that Cap Metro has sucked up over the years with its 1 percent sales tax that it can't pay its own way. So state Rep. Mike Krusee is trying to get the University of Texas, the state and the City of Austin interested in funding the streetcar line.

Swell, but you and I know that the streetcars, if they have air conditioning, will attract the property-tax-challenged. So, let them put together some of the monies as a civic-minded gesture.

And, to add a little color here, why not name the cars the Thunderbird Express, the Chicago Red Line and the Night Train Train. Toot toot.

John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 445-3606 or jkelso@statesman.com.

[netmilsmom]

>>And, to add a little color here, why not name the cars the Thunderbird Express, the Chicago Red Line and the Night Train Train. Toot toot.<<

This is hillarious!!!!

[The Bat Lady]

Austin is always trying to scam our dollars for ANOTHER public transportation. They put it on the ballot again and again we vote it down again and again.

They can't BELIEVE that we don't want it and don't want to pay millions and billions for 2% to ride it.

I like this idea of the homeless gathering the money for this!!!
Austin can wait for 10 more years!

[retrokitten]

This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer and Newman were going to hire the homeless to run rickshaws around the city.

[Arrowhead1952]

I rarely read Kelso's columns beyond the first line or so, because he is a flaming liberal. This is one of his better attempts at humor, for a change.

I used to listen to Sam & Bob on KVET for years. Don't know if you ever did, but they found that Cap Metro memo (on Cap Metro's official letterhead) to TXDOT & the city of Austin's traffic signal departments.

The memo asked both signal departments to make sure they kept signal lights out of sequence so people would vote for light rail. I had the memo saved to the hard drive of another computer, but the hard drive crashed.

BTW, did you know when Cap Metro built the NW Park & Ride, it was within a few yards of the railroad tracks? I know they own the railroad, but that was before the commuter rail from Leander was approved by voters.

[Cat loving Texan]

Capital Metro is a huge boondogle. I have no doubt that they would be behind an effort to get the lights out of sequence and unfortunately it still seems to be in effect.

[Arrowhead1952]

The only program Cap Metro has that is self supporting, is the van pool program. The problem now, is that the fuel prices has that program bordering on needing more tax dollars.