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My daughter is thirteen.

You said your children (now grown) didn't get the intrusive scrutinizing that was described in this article and they're now successful and responsible adults. They didn't get that way by accident, it's a result of good upbringing and you'd be right to feel proud.

My daughter is on track to make it to adulthood as a responsible and self reliant young woman, although she started to make a detour around age ten after her mother departed. She became disrespectful of others including her teachers and began lying about everything for no reason. It took a lot more diligence on my part and she lost a lot of privileges for about a year because of her pattern of misbehavior, but she got the message eventually and has earned back the trust she lost. I can't see myself using the extreme tactics described in this story because those seem to me to be a tactic of last resort, when all else fails.

I'm surprised it hasn't been posted yet on this thread but to me it's obvious that if the girl is seventeen and she doesn't trust her parents and her parents don't trust her, then the problems they have started a long time ago and involve a lot more than bugging the family car.