Ever watch the Nanny? Many parents of today have a disconnect concerning effective ways to discipline their children. Some let them have their way as an alternative to beating the ?$% out of them. They don't have a clue about in between alternatives.
In our County, we have several types of parenting classes we offer. Many are interactive and involve actually modelling of technique and coaching of parent with child. Sounds like she would have benfitted from one of these. In many counties, your child has to be in the system before you are eligible for help.
Why is corporal discipline always framed in the extreme? Why is the choice only between alternatives to physical action and extreme beating?
You advocate "in betweens" but fail even to mention an "in between" is possible while still using corporal discipline.