I have a good friend, well had until I told her about NAMBLA, but anyway..she has three kids, oldest is a gay male, middle child a girl who is attractive and now in early 40s and a virgin - we suspected she can't admit to herself that she's a lesbian, and the 3rd child, a male who was molested by a neighbor as a child, has recovered from a drug problem and is straight. So basically a gay, a lesbian, and a hetrosexual male - one of each. She told me the oldest boy always played with dolls and other girl things, the girl was always a tomboy.
I was in the horse world and the design world and it just appears that while some gays may have had a choice, in that they appear and behave like straights, others just never would have been normal males.
Well, admission alert...I did too when I was really little. In addition to all the boy stuff tho.
I'm wary of the "never would have been normal" line because it's not clear that what you are seeing in your friends is nurture not nature. It sounds like they have had rough lives, and it is possible that a traumatic incident in childhood (such as an abusive male figure in the house) can disrupt a child's normal development.
I'm curious why there is no rabid search for the "gene" that leads to bulimia, or social phobia, etc. etc.