"Because I'm Blonde"
by Xenalyte
I'm popular because I'm blonde.
I'm floating in the water. My stylist is accross from me. Hair spray and styling gel mist around us. They're our only friends. In the salon, at least. Since I'm blonde, I have lots of friends.
I'm in the United States. Of, America. Not Vietnam. I think. I'm not on T.V. Okay, sometimes I am 'cause I'm cute. It's really me. I'm popular 'cause I'm blonde.
My eyelashes are fluttering. Like a butterfly. This is real. Please, people. This is a photo op. Take one of my good side. I'm popular 'cause I'm blonde.
I check my lips, to make sure my lipstick is still on. I'm crying 'cause I'm blonde. No, wait. I'm happy. I like being blonde.
Oh, Mama! Dear sweet Mama. I wail into the sky. Where's that promising Bush? Mama didn't have to die. Okay, I have no idea why I just said that, but hell, I'm blonde.
Now it's my turn. I hear the helicopter, but have no strenth to go out on the porch. Why would I? It's humid out there and will mess up my hair. I'm cute 'cause I'm blonde.
I hear the rotors of the blades. I'm hugging my teacup sha- she- my little dog who also has her nails painted the EXACT SAME COLOR as mine. She's warm 'cause she has hair and she's also blonde. We're cute 'cause we're blonde.
I reach out to the men. As usual. They like me 'cause I'm blonde. And suddenly it's black. My hair! MY HAIR!!!!!
My life's film has broke. It broke 'cause I'm not a natural blonde.
It broke 'cause I'm really a brunette. It didn't have to be. We did better with Miss Clairol. We did better with L'Oreal.
We are popular 'cause we're blonde.
Dijya like the W'mb't poem?
LOL! This thread is generating some great stuff.
I was going to write one called "I Tripped Because I'm Clumsy."
Brilliant!!!
xsteen will LOVE this!
Most inspirational!
Try this:
I’m hammered because I’m drunk.
My kidneys are floating. My Mom is passed out accross from me. Beer cans
pile around us. They my only friends.
I’m in the United States. This beer be Canadian. I throws it at the TV.
It’s really broke. I’m hammered because I’m drunk.
Mama’s eyes are red. Like a cherry pie. She for real? Please, Mama!
Go back to sleep. I’m hammered because I’m drunk.
I spit on Mama, she mad I broke the TV. She say it too cold in here.
I’m crying ‘cause I can’t find the thermostat. I’m hammered because I’m drunk.
Oh Mama! Shut the hell up! ‘Fore I smack you wit this bush! Mama don’t shut
up wailing she gon’ get hammered because I’m drunk.
Now it’s my turn. Bafroom spinnin’ like a helicopter. I have no strength ‘cause
I’m heaving up three gallons of malt liquor into the toilet.
I’m hammered because I’m drunk.
I hear some fools in the yard. I try to stop Mama. She yells “get out my yard, fools!”
The FEMA trailer park has come to this. I’m hammered because I’m drunk.
I call out to the fools. “Y’all got y’alls check yet?” Everything goes black.
They jacked me for my FEMA card. I’m jacked because I’m drunk.
I’m hammered because I’m drunk. It usually goes down like this. Where that
Sean Penn fool when you need him? Sucker’s prolly drunk.
I dyed because my hair color is poor?