there's the crux of it right there. my oldest will be a HS senior this fall and we are visiting colleges for her to decide where she wants to go, this summer. We are paying the bills, so you bet your behind we will have some input on what we get for our $.
I agree that you should have the final say on where she goes, and to some extent, what activities she will be involved in. But this does not mean micromanaging her life. I was just with a high school senior boy's father last night, and he was taking it upon himself to see whether his son was scheduled to work at the local pool the next day, while his son was fishing accross the road and periodically checking in with his dad on the cell phone to "encourage" him to keep making calls until he found out the answer.
On the other hand, it sure isn't doing the kid a lot of favors by not severing the apron strings. I went through university with zilch interference from parents.
This has been happening since I taught in the early '90s, and there's no way I could have been teaching millenials, because none of them were college-age in the early '90s.
But yes, I had parents calling to yell at me for failing their babies (always daughters, oddly enough - no mother ever called me about a son). On a few occasions, they were hot enough that I couldn't get a word in edgewise.
The other ones, though, were open to reason, and when I explained exactly why their darlings didn't pass - usually poor attendance combined with an utter disregard for turning in work - they changed their tune.
If she's in a major where they don't schedule enough classes to graduate in 4 years, you might be better off enrolling her, having her attend 1 class a semester/quarter for a year or two to keep the enrollment alive, and have her work a job the rest of the time. Then when she has some seniority, she can get the classes she needs. That's what I should have done in getting my engineering degree. I'd have gotten out in about the same amount of time, and I'd have had more money.
It's admirable that you are concerned with your daughter's college choices. However, I'd be really careful to let her make mistakes while at college. About the only thing that a college education accomplishes, really, is to ease the transition between early adolescence and adulthood. That's its main function, IMO.
If you interfere with that process too much, you'll end up with a person who is not an adult at the end of four years.
My parents trusted me to do the right thing going to college, and it paid off, as I respected them and saw college as a priveledge, not a right. My father had specific conditions to go to college on his dime, and we had to start help paying by our junior year.
Most kids in college, from what i saw when i went, don't belong there anyway.
This has been going on for a while, too - I remember a coupel stories here about Bommer parents sitting in on job interviews, writing cover letters and resumes, and continuing to harrass employers after their precious spawn got hired.
Talk to any teacher who works in an affluent liberal district. They'll have stories that will curl your hair.
I ran a dorm building for my junior year, and I met that type then. They asked all kinds of silly questions while on the tour, like if we'd call them for various reasons (partying), or make sure they went to class. They did'nt like it when we explained to them (as we were trained) that living in a dorm was like living in an apartment - they (the students) had privacy rights (by law) and it was'nt our job to babysit their kids and tell them what to do, we just provided security, counseling and activities. The best was the woman who asked if I could wake her son up every day, he just slept through it, and even she could'nt get him up on time! We were asked if we'd escort them to orientation, make them study, make them send report cards home (no, that's a federal crime, if they're mailed to the dorms), make sure they don't date the wrong people, on and on and on. It got to be the favorite form of entertainment over teh summer, who could get the worst tour groups, and the worst parents.
Dealing with them during the semester was easy. "Sorry, we can't do that! Thanks for calling!"
I work with some Boomers, and their kids are high strung, hypocondriacs, stressed out, unable to function without orders from their parents, and incapable of being kids, and cucooned away from anything that might potentially harm them. They freak out at a stubbed toe or a bee.
I'm not gonna teach them, and I know I'll be dealing with them eventually in the workplace, and it makes me shudder.