Jason Leopold and Pitts of the River are on suicide watch.
Yeah, death by girly boat drinks. Somewhere a bartender is trying to cut them off and they are pulling a "Do you know who I am?" routine.
"Cut me off? Do you know who I am? I'm William....Rivers....Pitt, the Edwin R Murray of today's journ...the Edward R Murrison, the Edward R Freight Train Jones of modern Germanism. Inkeeper, I demand, I demand that you, that you tell me where to piss. Oops. Too late. This just breaking. I have peed myself."