Insurgents’ Web Posting: Zarqawi’s Death Was Stroke of Luck

AP via Fox ^ | 06/13/2006

[Eagles Talon IV]

Right, a stroke of luck. I guess this somehow makes him less dead?

[BeHoldAPaleHorse]

"It's only a flesh wound!"

[BeHoldAPaleHorse]

"Chance favors the well-prepared mind." -- Louis Pasteur

[observer5]

You mean any ass*ole who posts on some stupid web site is now "news" for AP, or shall I say APuke.

These guys are desperate.

[newcthem]

Our troops create thier own luck.........they don't pray with their @ss in the air waiting for allah to provide it.

[sgtbono2002]

If I was the guy elected to take his place, I wouldnt be calling that a lucky day. he's next.

[George W. Bush]

And how about all those other arrests, dozens of them, of other terrorists, all part of the same operation apparently?

It was a plan, not luck.

[BelegStrongbow]

Hey, there's a question: when do we start hearing about the power struggle in al Qaeda to replace His Dirtnapness?

[arthurus]

They are just trying to tell each other that the box their in isn't really getting smaller or at least not so quickly .

[arthurus]

quickcorrectThey are just trying to tell each other that the box they're in isn't really getting smaller or at least not so quickly .

[Mr. Lucky]

It's almost as if they were blaming it on an act of God.

That's gotta be a real bummer for a Jihadi.

[TheClintons-STILLAnti-American]

"These loons seem to think that the USAF blows up a random house every day, and just got lucky this time. Amazing.

Yet they can have a success once in a blue moon and it's all due to how great Allah is.

Since fate/luck is everything to these losers according to how Allah is feeling that particular day why not just rely on buying lottery tickets to fund their efforts? Surely Big Al will reward them by fixing the numbers--unless he is grumpy that day because one of his virgins preferred the Zarkman or some other godly concern.

[sgtbono2002]

This is one job only a retard with a death wish would want.

[BelegStrongbow]

We have to remember: these people really do think they get to heaven by killing infidels. We have long since found it a sick joke and an insult to what we consider authentic religious belief and trust, but they remain where they have always been: stuck on stupid in the worst recesses of the 11th century.

Sadly, they don't ping pookie's toons to at least see with what derision we hold them.

[PsyOp]

In that first picture of him when he was still alive, al-Zarqawi looks really depressed, like he knows what is coming.

[Zarqawi reclining on a couch talking to his Imam/therapist] : "Imam, I just can't shake this feeling of doom. I keep having this dream that I am in heaven making love to 72 virgins--but then, still in the dream, I wake to find that I am hugging a large metal object with fins at one end and a glowing red eye at the other. What does this mean?"

Imam: "Zarqawi, my son, this is nothing to be worried about, the Koran says: Allah is the guardian of those who believe. He brings them out of the darkness into the light; and (as to) those who disbelieve, their guardians are Shaitans who take them out of the light into the darkness; they are the inmates of the fire, in it they shall abide. "

Zarqawi: "Uh, OK. But the Americans have night vision. And I think that red thingy on the metal tube might be something like that."

Imam: "Not to worry, you are a great battle leader. The Koran says: Urge the believers to war; if there are twenty patient ones of you they shall overcome two hundred, and if there are a hundred of you they shall overcome a thousand of those who disbelieve, because they are a people who do not understand. "

Zarqawi: "about that... I seem to keep losing my number two guys, and we got a pretty heavy turnover on the numbers 3 and 4, too. And recruiting has been down all over the place. I keep cutting people's heads off to show them how serious I am but it doesn't seem to be helping."

Imam: "Have faith! Mohammed assures us, Yea! If you remain patient and are on your guard, and they come upon you in a headlong, your Lord will assist you with five thousand of the havoc-making angles. "

Zarqawi: "Still waiting on the Angels."

Imam: "The Prophet tell us: I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Therefore strike off their heads and strike off every fingertip of them... "

Zarqawi: "Done that. A lot."

Imam: “Hmmm... give me a second... Aha! here we go. Allah says: And whoever kills a believer intentionally, his punishment is hell; he shall abide in it, and Allah will send His wrath on him and curse him and prepare for him a painful chastisement. "

Zarqawi: "Uh... that means someone who believes in our cause, right?"

Imam: "It means anyone who accepts the word of the Prophet, the messenger of Allah. Why do you ask?"

Zarqawi: "Well... I, we, might have killed a few believers... at least they said they were... and you know how it is with car bombs and markets. But I'm pretty sure they were all collaborators. You know how women and children can be."

Imam: "Be at ease. The koran says: And do not kill any one whom Allah has forbidden, except for a just cause, and whoever is slain unjustly, We have indeed given to his heir authority, so let him not exceed the just limits in slaying. "

Zarqawi: "Limits? You never said anything about limits. Just what are we talking about here? I need a number. Not that I'm keeping a count or anything, but I'd like to know. And does that only refer to the heads I whacked myself, or does it include those killed on my orders?"

[Imam's cell phone rings]: "Sheik Abdul Rahman speaking... Really?... Right now?... Yes. Immediately. Thank you."

Zarqawi: "Who was that?"

Imam: "My secretary. It turns out out I'm late for an urgent meeting. I must go. Say five prayers and call me in the morning. No. Don't get up, I'll let myself out."

[Zarqawi calling after the Imam who is sprinting for the door]: "Don't go! I have more questions... I'm still worried about that big red eye in my dream..."

BLAM!

[bin-Laden phones Abu Hamza al-Muhajer from Pakistan].
Bin: "Abu! got some bad news and worse news for you. What do you want to hear first?"
Abu: "Let's hear the bad news."
Bin: "Zarqawi's been killed in an American air raid."
Abu: “What news could be worse than that?"
Bin: "You've been promoted."

[expatpat]

A stroke of luck, huh? Does that mean that Allah does not look favorably upon the "insurgent's" activities?

[dighton]

More “luck” in progress,

F-22 RAPTOR SCORES DIRECT HIT IN TESTING OF SUPERSONIC, HIGH-ALTITUDE JDAM DROP

[GSlob]

Well, good luck trumps everything else, doesn't it?

[Arabs only 600 years behind us]

I don't even think the insurgents believe it was luck, only the AP is silly enough to print this dribble. But it does show that the terroists are having a harder time recuriting now.

[muffaletaman]

"Zarqawi's successor, reported on Monday to be Abu Hamza al-Muhajer, said in his first Internet posting to expect horrific attacks "in the coming days."

The HORRIFIC ATTACKS he said to expect have been coming... but from the Forces of Freedom! When you least expect it - expect it!

THIS could BE the turning point - and what has been steady but incremental progress against al-Qaida in Iraq, like "island hopping" across the Pacific, has suddenly become Sherman's March to the Sea...