Paradise Is Overrated (Iowahawk Guest Commentary by Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi)

Iowahawk | David Burge

[68skylark]

For those unfamiliar with Iowahawk's work, I can highly recommend this gem from the past.

Stop Comparing Me to American Moonbats
Iowahawk Special Guest Commentary By Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi

...Oh sure, the infidel progressives like to talk a good game. They’ll call you “freedom fighters” and “the resistance” and “Iraqi Minutemen.” But soon as you need some volunteers to take out a grade school full of collaborators, they’re like, “sorry dude, I’ve got to run off some International ANSWER fliers at Kinkos.”

Next, when you string up some smoldering infidel carcasses from a Fallujah bridge, they’re all like, “f*** yeah, screw those mercenaries! High five, man! C’mon, man, don’t leave me hangin’ bro!” But where were these guys when there was dismemberment and heavy carcass-lifting to do? Updating the UBB scripts on their f***ing message boards, that’s where.

And please, don’t even get me started about the armchair quarterbacking. They want you to kill crusaders, but only enough that the other ones go home, I guess so they can film the survivors for a weepy poignant Vietnam documentary. Oh yeah, great plan, Field Marshall Von Sundance. I’m right on it, just as soon I FIND A PLACE WHERE I CAN GET TWO F***ING HOURS OF BOMB-FREE SLEEP.

Holy dung, like I don’t have enough of my own local idiots to put up with....

[Mark was here]

thanks

[roaddog727]

C-ya, Zarkman.......

NOT!

[xsmommy]

someone with posting privileges over at DU should really post a link to that, it is HILARIOUS!

[nina0113]

ping!

[dighton]

The rest of the story.

[Mister Da]

I love the idea that the last thing he saw was the grin on the face of an American soldier.

[MozarkDawg]

Plus I guess them foxy heaven hos also appreciate a couple of splashes of cologne so they don't have to smell your stanky sack. It's just common martyr courtesy, and that's why around the AQ office we call Brut "the smell of death".

Good grief, even in death the guy don't understand cologne ain't deodorant, you can't cover up stank with a bottle of Brut, though they all try this method.

Now, I'm horny, hungry, and annoyed.

How is this any different from Life, eh?

[martin_fierro]

Dude, I can't even fart anymore, I hoot.

[<1/1,000,000th%]

In the meantime, I'm trying to keep thinking positive. It's been a little rough here so far, but at least I haven't noticed a single Marine.

Funny. With a great ending line.

God bless all our service men and women.

[Billthedrill]

Laughing hysterically at work and I don't give a rip who knows why.

I was a little worried about the 'Hawk - you know he and the Z-man were pretty tight. Mebbe flowers or hootch or something...

[CGVet58]

"...man, I don't fart. I hoot..."

ROTFLMFAO

[BJClinton]

around the AQ office we call Brut "the smell of death".

[Constitution Day]

BRILLIANT!

Thanks for the ping, dighton.

[SnarlinCubBear]

Language not suitable for snarlin, either

[D-fendr]

Hillarious!

bump

[CGVet58]

bttt

[Kenny Bunkport]

Mohammed H. Prophet!

LOL

[T-Bird45]

BTTT & LOL x 10...

Glad everybody else has left the office -- must read the archives now.

[WestCoastGal]

hahahahahahaha thanks for the ping. Fabulous!!