I believe that God is Love and that God loves everyone totally and completely. That does not mean that I think that God is not sad when we hurt ourselves or others - but that God loves us with a love that is beyond our ability to understand or even imagine.
My prayer for you is that you allow more love into your life and your heart - as you love God more and more fully and you love others - I pray that your heart and mind will open to even more love and your interest in condemnation and attack will begin to wane and fall away. And I pray that you find true peace of mind through forgiveness of yourself and others.
The Gospels have as strong or stronger a provenance as ANY texts of that age. And Paul's letters are contemporaneous with the Gospels.
Your reading of Paul sounds suspiciously like a lead-in the "Paul was Gay" argument that I have heard from so many revisionist Episcopalians. Unfortunately, there is not much evidence for this view (other than the self-deluding hopes of the people setting it forth).