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Why? It always a choice between right and wrong. morals are not a grey area in someone mind. In society yes but everyone has a moral compass and failing to follow that moral compass is when you know you have done wrong. If someones moral compass is different then mine to me that person is not someone I want to hang around with. If my friend cheats on his wife, I will not be friends with him. Simple. If he lies to her why won't he lie to me? no reason he probably has and will again. So how is this person a good person in my moral compass. Short answer he isn't.

Because as best as I can tell, it's most often a decision to indulge in a sexual dalliance with someone they are attracted to, and NOT a decision to betray their spouse. It's just that the betrayal is a necessary side-effect of the decision to do something sexual with someone other than their spouse.

When a cheated spouse says 'how can you do this to me,' they are asking the wrong question. They didn't do it 'to' them. They did it, and it harmed them. There is no 'to' involved in most cases (though sometimes tit for tat revenge sex happens).

Also, most people see the situation of a cheating spouse as a bad spouse and a good (victimized) spouse. It's not that easy. The victimized spouse is not necessarily a good spouse (though they get immediate sympathy).

I don't blame someone from growing alienated by a poor spouse, and drawn more close to a better person. It's a perfectly natural process. 'Better or worse' isn't a license to get 'worse' with no consequences.

This isn't a gray issue at all. I can see certain circumstances where a person makes a very bad decision and regrets it. That shouldn't make them forevermore a bad person. Also, I can see certain circumstances where someone (justifiably) grows alienated from a poor spouse - neglectful, abusive, absent, or a combination of a dozen bad qualities. They should persue proper channels to dissolve the divorce, but when the opportunity presents itself, their loathsome spouse is the last thing on their mind.

That's perfectly understandable and doesn't make someone a dreadful person forever.

There is a case of lowlifes who are chronic cheaters, driven by their own desires with no regard for others. They tend to be loathsome people, no argument from me.

But the average person who cheats isn't like that at all.

The moral compass issue is when you place a cheating spouse as something comparable to a murderous person. There isn't much of a comparison - to the extent you think they are close, I disagree, and I think you would be in the minority there. So there you go.