What it takes to be a jerk (Dave Barry)

Maimi Herald ^ | Dave Barry

[Lady Jag]

[The Unknown Nobody]

Dave Barry is usually witty and sarcastically funny. This article was a complete waste of my time. No plot, no point, just contrived whining about his ability to "have a consummate thought at the penning of this article", disguised as his thoughts about contrived and ceonceived jerks based on a few personal experiences.

I hate "jerks" who waste my time. But then again I don't blame him as I did force myself to finish the article.

[Hildy]

I also have been to restaurants with the jerk who orders Drinks, a Steak with Lobster and dessert and wants me , who had a chef salad and Tea to split the tab evenly with him.

Really? Then why are you friends with this "jerk?" And if you don't think tipping is "essential" like Barry said, you shouldn't go to restaurants, and please don't argue with me. I can't stand people like you. Cheap, cheap, cheap.

[maine-iac7]

Could you also apologize for being an anal retentive, whiny, liberal, warm and fuzzy, kumbayah-chanting, HACK? What an ass. Never did like the idiot.

On the other hand, you sound like a real sweetie

[SamAdams76]

Perhaps you, too, have experienced an assault of Harley-revving; and perhaps you have asked yourself: Why do these people DO this? What possible reason could they have for causing so much discomfort to those around them? As it happens, there IS a reason, and it is an excellent one: They're jerks.

Whatever the reason is, it's probably the same reason teen-age kids drive around in cars with windows down and rap music blasting so loud from the speakers that local geographical institutes record seismic activity. I would go along with the reason being that they are just jerks.

[Lady Jag]

Many families have the rearview mirror handicapped tag that they pass from car to car for quick errands. Please don't nitpick; it mucks up a thread.

[Constantine XIII]

You don't like Dave Berry? O_o

Now that's something you don't see every day. :)

[Constantine XIII]

BTW, are you from North Dakota by any chance?

[maine-iac7]

you're TOO CLOSE, all right? SO DON'T KEEP ADVANCING ON THEM LIKE A HUMAN GLACIER.

Wanna have a fun time? Next time you're in a restaurant with someone, quietly and slowly, while in conversation, start pushing or putting things, like the salt/pepper shakers, the posy vase, etc - over the halfway line onto their side of the table.

Watch them start to fidget and get more and more uncomfortable - You are 'intruding' on their invisible demarcation line ...it's called "territorial imperatives" -

[OldSmaj]

On the other hand, you sound like a real sweetie

Hey!

This is one of my GOOD days!

[Mr. Jeeves]

Do you ever fly Southwest Airlines? How about the guy who appears out of nowhere and merges into the "A" line just as boarding begins.

Yes...he and the fifty people who feign disabilities in order to "pre-board" are the reasons I seldom fly Southwest any more.

[ketelone]

How about people who insist on splitting down the middle even though they got something WAY more expensive, and then not figure in a tip either. This happened to me once....once.

Ha.. there was a guy like that with us in college... man, it happened that he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, and then loudly demanded that we split down the middle when the check came... when we pointed out the fact that his food was more expensive, he had the gall to call US cheap. Noone went out anywhere with him more than once!

[nuconvert]

Have you two met each other?

Allow me to introduce you

[FarmerW]

You mean they lend it to healthy family members to save them walking distance in a parking lot? That's crappy.

I was driving my motherin-law car recently, she was not with me, and it has such a tag. But I didn't park in handicapped spaces because it would be both rude and illegal for me to do so.

[Trajan88]

Here's one... fat slob/slobette (and I'm not talking about little kids) standing at the ice/soda dispenser having to add that extra 1/20 oz. to their cup. Add a little soda, slurp up the foam, add a little more soda, slurp up the foam... until until ~40 seconds go by.

Damn people, there's a bottomless supply of high fructose corn syrup... fill up your cup and sit your tail down so we can get ice for tea.

[OldSmaj]

BTW, are you from North Dakota by any chance?

WTH is a "North Dakota"?

[ruthles]

this pisses me off to no end. My neighbors do this, and they know their dog is aggressive and mean. He has attacked my dog, and yet they still walk him without a leash. One time I told them that they only had seconds to subdue their dog before our dogs spotted each other and a fight ensued (my dog, on a leash with me helplessly watching him be attacked) , but they continue to do it. It's the rudest, stupidest behavior. It's like thinking your own sh%t doesn't smell, so you refuse to flush. Sorry for the gross analogy, but it ticks me off.

[nuconvert]

If they were thin, would they be less of a jerk?

[Old Professer]

It's your turn when the guy in front of you leaves; not one second before, clean your own house and let the slobs live as they may.