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To: RepoGirl
My ex-wife, Carly (she was my wife then) and I were in New Orleans in a club. A movie was being filmed in town and Shannon Doherty and some other actors were there. Doherty was treating the waitresses like crap. We were seated not too far away and Carly tired of it and yelled, "Hey Shannon! Why do you always have to be such a bitch!" To which Doherty replied, "F*** You!"

Carly jumped up from our table and rushed Shannon. Shannon got to her feet, her claws already out. Carly was intercepted by security people, draped over the burly shoulders of a bouncer like a sack of oats tossed out. We could have made the cover of the National Enquirer if she had only been a couple of steps faster.

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What We Are About To Do Here Is What The Good Lord Would Call A Cleansing of the Wicked. I Call It A Good Old Fashioned Texas Ass Kicking.
50 posted on 04/20/2006 2:43:12 PM PDT by speed_addiction (And the Lord said, "Who shall I send? Who will stand for us?" Said I, "Here I am...Send me.")
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To: speed_addiction
About 6 years ago, I was still living in Boston in a very trendy, arty section of the city.

This was during my bohemian phase, and I spent a year holed up in my apartment writing a book. One morning, I went to my usual spot for coffee, and while standing at the counter, waiting to place my order, saw a woman paying for hers. This woman was incredibly familiar. Where had I seen her before. I started wracking my brain--which job did I meet her on? Which party, which office--where?

The girl behind the counter came fawning over with a latte and a muffin. She was smiling one of the most asskissing smiles I'd ever seen. "Here's your order MS. SARANDON!"

Sarandon, I thought. Sarandon... that names familiar--did I know a Sarandon at Fidelity? D'oh!

Realizing that I was in the presence of my arch nemesis (only she didn't know it) I looked back at her. Sure enough, it was her. Ms. Janet Weiss herself. She stayed at the counter, chatting away at the fawning staff, while a lackey rang up my order and handed me my coffee without the special service or obsequiousness. I went to the condiment station and began doctoring my coffee, while Susan Sarandon continued to soak up the adoration of the coffee shop staff.

I was done with fixing my coffee, and was HALFWAY out the door when someone hammered past me, shoving me into the frame of the door, and knocking the lid off of my coffee, spilling it all over the front of my clothes, arm, and hand.

It was Susan Sarandon (who towers over me, actually--she's about 5'8" I think.) without so much as a sorry, excuse me, etc. She just continued on down the street, sipping her latte and snacking on her muffin top.

I turned back to look at the staff, who'd witnessed the entire thing. Three Gen X hipsters, smiling and tittering about their encounter with greatness. When I asked if they'd seen what had just happened, one shrugged limply and offered up, "well, she's a very busy woman."

I considered walking behind her on my way to the post office and singing my medly of Rocky Horror songs, but figured I'd either get arrested or just end up looking like a jackass.

53 posted on 04/20/2006 2:58:12 PM PDT by RepoGirl ("That boy just ain't right..." Hank Hill)
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