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Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a long trip with my family and extended family, and I would like you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm hoping they handle those things the same way you and the Congress handle them here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5 Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying at their school.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English and that I've got rights as an 'illegal'.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy as I will consider such comments to be racist.

14. I don't expect to have myself or my family checked or vaccinated against any communicable diseases.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that President Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

My wife is a Patrick Henry American. I say that, because for 3 months prior to her naturalization ceremony she went around telling everyone, “Just give me liberty or give me death.” And she did almost die in the immigration process due to severe reactions from a required INS immunization.

In August 2002 we applied to bring her then 22 year old daughter to America, and now as the adult daughter of a CITIZEN she will be able to legally immigrate here approximately 8 to 10 years after our application. In the interim she is not allowed to visit her Mom in this country, and that due to American law, NOT Russian. Five years after arriving she can apply for citizenship, and that totals 13 to 15 years. However, they would make illegal aliens eligible after 11 years. Some relatives of citizens have to wait 23 years to immigrate here legally, and add 5 years for citizenship for a total of 28 years.

Excuse me, but the man behind the curtain is telling us illegal aliens will have to go to the end of the line. How can it be illegal aliens will have to go to the end of the line, when they grain citizenship in 11 years, and legal immigrants arrive at that point in 10 to 28 years? Not only that, but the illegal aliens get to wait in line in America, whereas the 4 million attempting to immigrate legally have to wait in their countries. By the way, in the last 15 years almost twice as many immigrants have come here legally from Mexico than all Europe combined, and that does not include the illegal aliens. What ever happened to truth, justice, and the American way?

Go Pat Go!!