"I guess all of us could ask ourselves if there isn't something we could do FOR the family, for the pastor, for his/her children."
There is something you can do - and this is from personal experience....
Tell the pastor to take care of themself FIRST... and their family SECOND... with their job somewhere after that.
I can't tell you how many times I've watched clergy work themselves sick (literally), and be REWARDED for it in pity points. "Oh, gosh, look how much Rev Jones loves us, and how much they sacrifice for God."
GARBAGE.
If God needs another martyr then God will call one. There is absolutely NO need for every pastor to be one.
If anyone works more than 55 hours a week then they kill themselves, their family life, and make stupid mistakes that make them COUNTER-productive (not just UN-productive).
Unfortunately, most clergy like to sit around and talk about how they work 60 - 70 - 80 hours a week. If a pastor says that they only work 40 hours a week (except emergencies and Holy Week) then the other clergy consider them lazy and unholy and actually work to get them dismissed from their ranks.
You are right. The responsibility to set reasonable and workable limits and boundaries is the pastor's. Unfortunately, too many pastors are ill-trained and instantly become over-involved in their work. Then some years later their marriage goes belly up or they burn out, and wonder why their life isn't what they ordered when they finished their M.Div's.