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Today's FEEBLE

YOKE :

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured that if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I've got you a job" says his agent.

"That's great" says the actor, what is it?"

"Well" says his agent "it's a one-liner"

"That's okay" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything; What's the line?"

"'Hark I hear the cannons roar'" says the agent.

"I love it" says the actor "When's the audition?"

"Wednesday" says the agent.

Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts: "Hark I hear the cannons roar".

"Brilliant" says the director, "you've got the job, be here 9 o'clock Saturday evening".

The actor is so chuffed he got the job that he goes on a major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theatre continually repeating his line; "Hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar".

He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the bouncer. "Who the hell are you?" asks the bouncer.

"I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"

"You're 'hark I hear the cannons roar', you're late, get up to makeup straight away.

So he runs up to make up. "Who the hell are you" asks the makeup girl.

"I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"

"You're "hark I hear the cannons roar", you're late, sit down here" and she applies the makeup. "Now quick, get down to the stage, you're about to go on"

So he dashes down to the stage. "Who the hell are you" asks the stage manager.

"I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"

"You're 'hark I hear the cannons roar', get on there, the curtains about to go up"

So he tears onto the stage. The curtains rise, the house is full. Suddenly there is an almighty bang behind him, and the actor shouts "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"