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It's possible to read the Koran but treat the Hadiths and such will less authority. The Libertarian Muslim friend I have will observe Ramadan and such but he has a much less restrictive interpretation of what's halal, his son isn't circumcised, and his wife doesn't wear a head scarf. When I've asked him about it, his answer is, "That's not really in the Koran." That suggests to me that it's possible to be a much more Western-friendly and flexible Muslim than the militant Muslims would claim. But that's not really all that surprising since Fundamentalist Christians also have a much narrower idea of what it means to be a Christian than many other Christians do.

"That's not really in the Koran."

There over 100 mentions of jihad against unbelievers in the Koran. A few examples follow.

Qur’an 47:4: “When you meet the unbelievers in the battlefield, strike off their heads and, when you have laid them low, bind your captives firmly”

Qur’an 2:191: “And slay them wherever you catch them, and turn them out from where they have turned you out; for persecution is worse than slaughter…”

Qur’an 9:123: “O ye who believe! Fight the unbelievers who gird you about, and let them find firmness in you: and know that Allah is with those who fear Him”

Qur’an 9:73: “Prophet, make war on the unbelievers and the hypocrites and deal rigorously with them. Hell shall be their home: an evil fate”

Qur’an 9:29: “Fight those who believe not in Allah nor the Last Day, nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by Allah and His Messenger, nor acknowledge the religion of Truth, (even if they are) of the People of the Book, until they pay the Jizya with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued”

Islam, a religion of peace. I think not.

his son isn't circumcised, and his wife doesn't wear a head scarf. When I've asked him about it, his answer is, "That's not really in the Koran."

Then your friend is NOT a good muslim because instructions to both points are in the koran. Islam means submission, specifically submission to the will of allah and the 'will' of allah is spelled out in excruciating detail in the koran. Everything...from what to eat and how to take a crap. And that's the point...to be a good muslim one must live in strict accordance with the koran and doing taht would rule out the possiblity of being a 'good' anything else.