Posted on 03/09/2006 5:16:12 PM PST by SJackson
A funny thing happened to me the other day when my wife and I had, thank God, another baby (a boy). Many of my friends didn’t seem all that happy for me. Sure, they went through the motions of smiles and congratulations. But it was evident that many thought me insane. Why would a young man and his wife ruin their lives with eight children? Who could afford the day-school bills? Didn’t we want to live life a little, and not just be burdened with kids?
It got downright surreal when a European film company pressed me, while my wife was in labor, to finish shooting a segment that had an urgent deadline (I obviously told them they were insane). The next day I was mildly criticized by a Jewish organization I was scheduled to address – because I had to cancel my appearance when I realized the lecture would clash with the baby’s bris.
I don’t mind that the world doesn’t really love babies. I do mind that it pretends to. It’s time we got honest about our priorities. Most people get a new car every two or three years, but one or two babies through the life of a marriage is plenty. You can get drunk on an airplane, laugh hysterically with your mates, and still not really anger people. But if you dare bring a crying baby on board you will be given malicious looks, as if the little thing is a package that ticks.
If you walk your dog along the street, people will stop you to tell you how cute he is. But walking down the street with a baby? You might run into a cooing woman or two, but for the most part you’ll be utterly ignored.
Indeed, the contempt shown to parents who have many children is the last acceptable prejudice in our society. As a father of a large family, I find myself apologizing wherever I go, as if I’ve committed a crime. The frequent and loaded stares from scornful onlookers imply that the famine in Africa was caused by my selfish insistence on overpopulating the earth. Long ago my wife and I discovered that few hotels were prepared to accommodate so many children, even if we took three of four rooms – which is why we bought an RV for travel.
How strange to live in a world where loving children casts one in infamy. Having a family with many children implies a backwardness and primitivism that is deemed unbecoming in the developed countries of the West. Large families, it is thought, exist only among religious weirdoes or the teeming hovels of the Third World. Rich countries, by contrast, prefer to increase their standard of living rather than the number of the living.
Looking at Western birth rates for the year 2001, the United States averaged only 14.2 births for every thousand Americans, and the birthrate among white Americans is so low that the United States will soon lose its white majority. Indeed, one can go for days in Manhattan without encountering a single pregnant woman.
Hence the high birth rates of extremely poor African nations like Uganda, at 47.52 births per 1,000, or Niger with 50.68 births per 1,000, are deemed to be prime causes and indicators of their penury. The abundant fertility of these countries confirms the unspoken Western view of these country’s inhabitants as being just one step above savages. Contraception becomes a synonym for civilization.
A Christian mother of six once wrote to me: "I find it troubling to worry about getting pregnant again... because I don’t want to face the criticism of friends and family. Why do people not see children as a blessing?" A fair question that deserves a fair response.
Why is it that even many synagogues today are not children-friendly? Why are people impressed that Jay Leno owns twenty motorcycles but disgusted that some religious families choose to have ten children?
Let’s not finesse the response. We all know why. A world that has lost its innocence has trouble appreciating beings that are innocent. A world that has become selfish has soured to the idea of leading a life of selflessness. A world that has become grossly materialistic is turned off to the idea of more dependents who consume resources. And a world that mistakenly believes that freedom means a lack of responsibility is opposed to the idea of needy creatures who "tie you down."
The world can go fly a kite.
By just looking at my children I become more innocent. By loving them I become more noble. By spending more money on them than I spend on myself I find transcendence. And by being a father and liberating all of the love in my heart, my spirit soars free. I work hard to support a large family and I give up no pleasures in doing so because my children are my foremost pleasure.
I am often asked by women how they can tell whether the men they are dating are marriage material. I tell them, "See if he enjoys children." A man who loves children is playful. He will spend his life joking with his wife because he loves to see her laugh, and will flirt with her because he loves to see her smile.
There was a time when husbands and wives worked hard to ensure that they could afford the blessings of a large family. Today, the higher your earning bracket the fewer children you have. But then we always knew that many people turn money from a blessing into a curse.
Before he died, the Lubavitcher Rebbe launched a campaign asking parents to have one more child than they originally planned. It is a campaign that a dwindling Jewish community should revive as it continues to disappear.
thank you so much, you have made my day!!!
After having three miscarriages I was convinced I would never be able to carry a baby full term. The doctor finally found a medical problem and we scheduled surgery to try to correct it.
Had to cancel the surgery because the "flu bug" I had will be 25 in May. His brother is 22.
The only thing I did different was I started going to church because I suddenly needed to. Had not been a church going person before. I was baptized when I was six months pregnant. I am convinced The Lord was waiting for me to find Him first.
For medical reasons I was only able to have one child. We have friends with 4, 5, 7, and 10 children...and they're not done! I love it and encourage them often. What a blessing!!!
My oldest is 11 today. My little breach baby is growing up. I also have a two year old.
My husband and I have two already (4-and-a-half and two), and we've decided to have tow more. BOTH of our families went completely INSANE wiht negativity and slurs. I'm wasintg my advanced degrees to saty home with the kids, it's fiscally irresponsible, overuse of resources, blah blah blah.
I was heartbroken at their reaction. Physically sick. How could you look at babies and NOT see a blessing?
That is why they had to go to 16.
There were always a few who were clean.
Our seven are all adults now, and we enjoyed all at each age. It was a delight to have them. They have given us more Joy than anything else we could have done.
We now have 22 grandchildren, and it is a delight to go and visit them.
You can tell how you did in raising your children when you see how they are raising their children.
There is an old saying: The definition of a son-in-law is, the bum your daughter marries, so you can have grandkids smarter than anyone else.
Actually we are pleased with the mates our children picked out. They also were well raised and are delightful.
You should tell them, "Because I haven't had any more yet..."
We had to stop at three ... but man, I'd sure like to have more. Of course, my wife would have to do all the work....
Why not? Isn't it the Prime Directive?
My inlaws couldn't believe I was having a fifth child. How they talked! But you know inlaws. And what's worst is that they are catholic!
I always enjoy listening to anything Shmuley says. He's been on Medved's radio show as well as Prager's. I think one of the reasons the kids are so selfish today is because they don't have to share - we had to share everything - bedrooms, bathroom (only one!) and I think it made us the better for it. It also helps with the parents age and you have others to help you. Even if a couple of the siblings refuse to help, with 8 or 9 kids, you're far more likely to have some assistance.
There are numerous reasons for big families but a lot of women don't want to go through the physical suffering of that many births, let alone the financial burden.
What a little doll! God bless you and Jake! Look at those big beautiful blue eyes. He looks a bit like my son did when he was that age (he's 28 now).
Bravo!!!
Remember the movie "Cheaper by the Dozen?"
Bet you have a lot of fun memories growing up in that big family!
Well, it is true after all. You should be proud!!
you have a wonderful page, very interesting and wise
That is why they had to go to 16.
There were always a few who were clean.
16 is sweeter.
Thanks. I looked at yours. I share many of those sentiments, especially about Freddie Boy.
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