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In other words, the self we are encouraged to develop through much of our education system and early adulthood is of no use whatsoever to a new parent. What use is that sassy, independent, self-assertive, knowing-what-youwant- and-how-to-get-it type when you fast forward five years to the emotional labour of helping a child develop selfconfidence? Once there's a baby in the cot, you need steadiness, loyalty, endurance, patience, sensitivity and even self-denial - all the characteristics that you've spent the previous decade trashing as dull or, even worse, for losers. Forget trying to work out your own feelings - you'll be too busy trying to work out those of your children; ditto self-confidence and self-expression.

This is a good article, thanks. It's true that in our Western societies, woman are judged much like men; what is their annual income? Kids can be a real career problem, unless you're in the financial bracket that can afford a reliable live-in nanny.

I have kids, but my two sister-in-laws declined maternity. One said (no kidding) that she could have more material things without children, and the other mentioned the long, long term commitment and it's effects on her beloved overseas traveling. They seem happy with their choices, although it seems such a sterile existance to me.

As you know, pregnancy isn't easy. And with the decline of religious feelings, the self-sacrificing person--like Dana Reeve--may still be held in high regard, but without celebrity as compensation she is less likely to be copied. There is also the zero-population crowd, who pretend that proverty is caused by overpopulation but who individually consume more of this world's good than the ordinary middle-class family of six.

They seem happy with their choices, although it seems such a sterile existence to me.

In my family, what you described is my brother and SIL. They jet set around the world to golf and it all seems so meaningless - I just can't get excited about their narcissism just as they are not excited about their only nephew . . . .

I was only blessed with one child but he has been my greatest joy and greatest disappointment - just like every other kid in the world.