Tired of living a life with no respect? Want to move up in the world? Now, you too can earn an advanced degree based on your life experience! What kind of degree do you want? We currently offer:
Doctor of Creation Science (Tuition: $250.00)Any of the following life experiences will be sufficient to earn your Doctorate (but to maintain our high standards, we will require proof -- in the form of a notarized affidavit -- that you qualify):
Doctor of Intelligent Design (Tuition: $350.00)
Doctor of Ooga Booga (Tuition: $75.00)
Living ten years or more in a squalid trailer parkIf you qualify, then send in your affidavit and the tuition for the degree of your choice. We'll promptly send you a diploma, suitable for framing. Amaze your friends. Enjoy the respect you deserve. Apply now!
Serving five years in prison for wife-beating
Fathering six out-of-wedlock children
Being on welfare continuously for at least three years
Reading at least 50 Jack Chick comics
All "Were You There?" graduates are fully qualified to Teach the Controversy.
This is to inform you that admission standards have changed. Our institute and study program seeks to simplify education to "Were You There?" which answers all things. Recently a student with a IQ of 75 ask a second question, "Were you there too?". This is a severe violation of the ethics and purpose of the institute and would complicate education rather than simplify education. Therefore, as of today we are restricting admission to those with a IQ of 70 or less to prohibit further questions that would complicate education. Be warned that we are not adverse to further action if future violations occur. Although it may limit applicants some of the board have already suggested that applicants be restricted to those with a IQ less than 65 or 60. They feel this will only provide and insure a better simple education that can never be shaken or tested.
God Bless You if you are one of Us.
Signed; Question Not,
Dean of Admissions; "Were You There?"