Posted on 01/16/2006 10:59:41 AM PST by llevrok
IT'S A COOKBOOK!!!
Hubby went to Hooters for buffalo wings once, and vowed never to go again because of all the hair still on the chicken legs. Hooters grosses me out, period.
And fat Ted gives me the shivers.
LOL
It also takes a Village Idiot. Nice job!
A West Texas cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy,
"If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg,
Germany. Within seconds, hereceives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the
animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my
calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a consultant for the National Democratic Party." says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about my business. Now give me back my dog."
Doogle
Agree. Though even drunken Ted can find the Lord someday....maybe.
I enjoyed that read Doogle.....funny stuff
Aim High
Because you love the Kennedy Calender!
A is for Assassination: What, I'm not good enough for an attempt?
B is for Booze: not just beer, any kind of beer. I like beer. Well, not anymore.
C is for Chappaquiddick (Island): a bad thing happened there; not my fault.
D is for Dike (Dyke) Bridge: shoddy construction was the problem.
E is for Edward: That's my real first name. I just prefer Ted though.
F is for Farm: as in wind farm, an alternative source of energy. A great thing, just don't build 'em near my home.
G is for Guardrail: something Dike Bridge didn't have. Again, shoddy construction.
H is for Harvard: I didn't cheat on that test...they cheated me.
I is for Immigration: I'm the one who made it all happen in 1965. Don't know what I'm talking about? Look it up you lazy little brats.
J is for John: I loved JFK like a brother. Oh wait, he is my brother.
K is for Kopechne: wonderful girl, too bad she couldn't swim.
L is for Liberal: you were expecting something else? Liberals are GOOOOOD.
M is for Moore: that's my middle name. My brothers both got F for middle initials. Why couldn't I get an F? F them.
N is for Nomination: as in I have no chance for one. All because of an accident? Is that fair, I mean really?
O is for Orrin (Hatch): that man ruined my drinking days...I mean that man helped me to recover from alcholism.
P is for Privilege: nothing like being born in to it.
Q is for Question: how dare people question my escape from the car? It went how I say it went.
R is for Right(to abortion): All women have it. That's the way it should be. Don't agree? You're wrong.
S is for Senator: seems it'll be the highest position I achieve.
T is for Ted: because it's my first name. Jeez, haven't you kids been paying attention.
U is for Unbelievable: I can't believe I could get this far in the alphabet. Oh, we're not done yet? Damn how many letters are there?!?
V is for Virginia: the wonderful woman who married me. Never thought that would happen.
W is for Wepubwicans: because the cwy wike wittle babies. WAAAH!
X is for Xtreme: because that's the cool way to spell it these days. And it's what Judge Robert Bork was. He was a baaaad man boys and girls.
Y is for Youth: for the No Child Left Behind thingy we passed. And where are the children now? They should be buying my other new book due out in 2006: My Senator and Me written by my dog Splash. I named my dog Splash after Kopechne.
Z is for zzzzzz: (everyone be quiet, the Senator is napping).
That's really funny stuff! LOL!!!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.