Posted on 01/15/2006 4:55:00 AM PST by Excuse_My_Bellicosity
She mops up spilled juice with your favorite T-shirt, and then she makes you go shopping in the pouring rain. Let's face it, she's the wife from hell--but you still love her.
Sound familiar?
It should. This "mean wife, happy marriage" scenario has become a fad. When one man in a similar relationship began writing a blog about his experiences with his nasty wife, his account struck such a chord with readers that it's now been turned into a book and a TV drama series. He and his wife, it seems, are far from the only ones whose relationship thrives on the wife's selfishness--as 34-year-old Mina would no doubt agree.
Mina (not her real name) does Internet-related work at home and has been married to her 42-year-old husband for 12 years. "Why don't you ever wave goodbye to me anymore? Why don't we ever talk anymore?" she asked him one day.
"Actually, I'm the one who stopped waving goodbye," she admits with a laugh. And the reason they've stopped talking is because Mina's become deeply involved with her daughter's extracurricular activities.
But Mina was the one who began feeling angry. To let out her frustrations she began to use her hubby as a metaphorical punching bag. "When I take it out on my husband, I feel much better and forget what I got so wound up about," she says.
As Mina became busier, the house got messy and she cut down on the time she spent cooking. But her husband never complains. "He knows I would just tell him off if he did," she says.
After patiently letting Mina get things off her chest, the husband once said: "Pretend you've been tricked into cleaning the house. You'll calm down a bit." She did. When she cleaned the house and saw how nice it looked, her frustrations went away.
"He actually analyzes me very objectively," Mina says.
For all her flaws, the two behave like a couple in love. On weekends, they shop together or watch their son's baseball games. On birthdays, they buy each other presents.
Masanori (not his real name) is another man happy with his wife, even though he says his friends think she's mean. The 34-year-old Tokyo-based designer has been married for three years. When he told his 32-year-old wife, who works with him, that he wanted to buy a new computer for work, she insisted they buy a refrigerator at a later date and they ended up saving money for that instead.
His wife has a mug that cost 3,000 yen. Masanori's cost 1,000 yen. "Mine is more expensive," she brags. But her husband has no problem with her attitude. "I get really angry when it comes to work matters, but at home, things don't really bother me," he says.
In fact, the wife is very protective of her slim, quiet husband. "If someone picks a fight with you, just keep your distance," she often says. "If something happens to you, I'll go fight your battles."
Masanori is more than willing to do as she says. "My wife is a very determined woman," he says. "I have no complaints."
The blog that triggered the phenomenon is titled "Oni-yome Nikki" (The true story of my devil wife) and was started four years ago by a 33-year-old company employee from Fukuoka who calls himself "Kazuma."
Readers don't need to look far to find examples of the kind of behavior that inspired him. "When I had a cold, she made me sleep under the kotatsu (heated table) because she didn't want to catch my cold," he writes of his 33-year-old wife. "When I came home soaking wet, she made me strip naked by the front door because she didn't want me to get the floor wet."
These online entries received so many hits and attracted so much attention that the contents were published in a book last July. The blog was also made into a TV sitcom with the same title last fall.
"Times have really changed, I think, for this kind of relationship to be featured in a drama series," says Kazuma. "If men in similar situations feel better thinking that at least they're better off than me, I'm happy with that."
People often wonder why he doesn't just break up with this "devil" woman. "I would much rather see my wife happy than make her angry and create a hostile environment," he says.
While the drama series was aired from October to December, its official Web site often received e-mail from people in similar situations.
"I'm a devil wife myself," writes a woman in her 20s. "I say whatever I want to my kind husband and live a happy life. Of course, we are totally in love."
"I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry," runs a message from a man in his 30s. "(My wife) was kind to me before we got married, but now she is quite the devil."
"My mother acts like the female lead," writes a teenage girl. "She forces my father to exchange her favorite ramen ingredients with his, and takes his money and blows 80,000 yen in one shopping spree."
Nonfiction writer Yuki Ishikawa expects the number of tyrannical women to increase. "There are more and more wives who brag about giving their husbands instant food instead of home-cooked meals, justifying their actions as giving their husbands what the husbands want," she says. "I feel like devil wives are innocent in a way, but immature. In the past, there were more women who wanted their husbands to give them attention. But now, many women look for husbands who let them get away with doing little around the house, getting together with friends or going for beauty treatments. I think this change in mindset will increase in the future."
Freelance writer Chihiro Fujiwara, 38, interviewed almost 100 self-described selfish wives and their husbands, and published a book on her findings in early November through Ameba Books Ltd.
When a friend of hers who was making an effort to be a good wife was suddenly served with divorce papers, Fujiwara wondered why that happened at a time when selfish wives were doing whatever they wanted and yet were loved and happy.
As she began interviewing people, she noticed a pattern. "There are no hard feelings because the women immediately tell their husbands whatever is bothering them," she says. "And when their wives demand money from their husbands, the men seem to feel glad that they're needed and are making their wives happy."
Fujiwara herself has been married for seven years. She used to keep her frustrations to herself. But she began telling her husband how she felt. "My husband was surprised at first because he had no idea what I was thinking, but he became kind. When I hinted that I wanted a pair of boots, he bought me a pair and was very happy about it."
"Society as a whole is still dominated by men, so if men ruled at home as well, it would be nasty," says comic book writer Mayumi Kurata. "I think it brings balance to society when women have control in the home.
"Devil wives who can spontaneously be selfish and ask for whatever they want are talented, in a way. Some husbands are happy being ordered around because it's easier to be told what to do. They also love getting all that attention from their wives. But this relationship style is different from the so-called weekend-only marriages and separated couples. I think married couples just need to find a relationship style that suits them."(IHT/Asahi: January 14,2006)
Yeah.....of a hamster.
This story would fascinate me
That's being cynical, LOL. I would like to think that it could be possible. Some truly blessed couples are happy in love for a live time, but I know that they work on it constantly.
Ew, that's harsh.
Wow...where can I find one of those hampers?
You said that really well. ;)
Harsh...but true. And it doesn't imply that it's a bad thing either.....
This thread is making me feel MUCH better about the fact that I am 28, unmarried, and can't even find a woman I want to marry, while all my friends ARE married. I can't say whether or not their wives are like this or not though, they don't seem to be, but they've all been married less than 4 years except one.
Where do I get a copy of that book? LMAO!!!
But are you the type that tries to dominate, but in that sick, odd way women work WANTS him to dominate your dominance?
(hope I didn't sound offensive, I didn't intend that-just got out of a relationship, and I am honestly trying to learn things)
There ARE great women in America. Just look at FR!
If I could have the PERFECT woman, she'd be:
-a curvy brunette, 5'0 to 5'4, not fat, not skinny
-total 80s metalhead
-South Park Republican
-Can go camping tonight and to a formal party tomorrow
-sense of humor that's a little dry, a little goofy, a little raunchy
-can shoot a gun
Since I'm fantasizing...might as well go all-out!! Really I'm not THAT picky, I just don't have that good of luck meeting good women...
OK, remember, you asked for it, LOL.
This was in the early '80s and disco wasn't yet dead. On one of our first dates we went to a disco to do a little imbibing and dancing.
I was a young, hotheaded, and a little rowdy sailor.
We got to the disco and had a few beers, danced a little, and were, in general, having a good time.
We spotted one of her girlfriends sitting in a booth and went over to talk to her.
While we were talking her girlfriend said something that just set me off. I don't even remember what she said (I was a little tipsy and hotheaded) and I upended my bottle of beer all over her head.
The next thing I know my legs are flying up above my head and said head is hitting the floor.
I look up and my date, my wife to be, is looking down at me. With a perfectly straight face she says, "You shouldn't have done that"
She had dropped, spun, leg swept me down, and was standing over me before I knew what was happening.
I didn't know at that time that she had studied Tae Kwon Do for several years.
Well, to make a long story short, I apologized to her girlfriend, paid for a hairdresser appointment for her girlfriend, and paid for a new outfit for her girlfriend.
I only know of one other time my wife used that line and thankfully it wasn't on me!
It takes two. Sometimes, regardless of what YOU do, your spouse is incorrigible. Are you saying someone should stay miserable?
What about short (5'7) American guys? Tall chicks don't like short guys.
Should I just go for the shorter American girls?
;-)
Here's the secret gals...ready????? MARRY AN OLDER MAN! They appreciate you more. My husband is 20 years older than me. He loves that I'm younger and I love that he's older...works every time!
I don't hate women at all! However, I haven't met a good one yet it seems. I know there are plenty here on FR!
No, but there oughta be.
So as a man of 28...I should hang out single for about 12 more years?
I held out until I was 35. Funny thing is, I met her just when I decided that I'll be single for my whole life. What I liked is that I knew her for 3 years before going out with her, so we were able to dispense with most of the dating BS.
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