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'Devil wives' getting a bad rap--many husbands think they are the cat's meow
asahi.com ^ | 01/14/2006 | haruko ishii, The Asahi Shimbun

Posted on 01/15/2006 4:55:00 AM PST by Excuse_My_Bellicosity

She mops up spilled juice with your favorite T-shirt, and then she makes you go shopping in the pouring rain. Let's face it, she's the wife from hell--but you still love her.

Sound familiar?

It should. This "mean wife, happy marriage" scenario has become a fad. When one man in a similar relationship began writing a blog about his experiences with his nasty wife, his account struck such a chord with readers that it's now been turned into a book and a TV drama series. He and his wife, it seems, are far from the only ones whose relationship thrives on the wife's selfishness--as 34-year-old Mina would no doubt agree.

Mina (not her real name) does Internet-related work at home and has been married to her 42-year-old husband for 12 years. "Why don't you ever wave goodbye to me anymore? Why don't we ever talk anymore?" she asked him one day.

"Actually, I'm the one who stopped waving goodbye," she admits with a laugh. And the reason they've stopped talking is because Mina's become deeply involved with her daughter's extracurricular activities.

But Mina was the one who began feeling angry. To let out her frustrations she began to use her hubby as a metaphorical punching bag. "When I take it out on my husband, I feel much better and forget what I got so wound up about," she says.

As Mina became busier, the house got messy and she cut down on the time she spent cooking. But her husband never complains. "He knows I would just tell him off if he did," she says.

After patiently letting Mina get things off her chest, the husband once said: "Pretend you've been tricked into cleaning the house. You'll calm down a bit." She did. When she cleaned the house and saw how nice it looked, her frustrations went away.

"He actually analyzes me very objectively," Mina says.

For all her flaws, the two behave like a couple in love. On weekends, they shop together or watch their son's baseball games. On birthdays, they buy each other presents.

Masanori (not his real name) is another man happy with his wife, even though he says his friends think she's mean. The 34-year-old Tokyo-based designer has been married for three years. When he told his 32-year-old wife, who works with him, that he wanted to buy a new computer for work, she insisted they buy a refrigerator at a later date and they ended up saving money for that instead.

His wife has a mug that cost 3,000 yen. Masanori's cost 1,000 yen. "Mine is more expensive," she brags. But her husband has no problem with her attitude. "I get really angry when it comes to work matters, but at home, things don't really bother me," he says.

In fact, the wife is very protective of her slim, quiet husband. "If someone picks a fight with you, just keep your distance," she often says. "If something happens to you, I'll go fight your battles."

Masanori is more than willing to do as she says. "My wife is a very determined woman," he says. "I have no complaints."

The blog that triggered the phenomenon is titled "Oni-yome Nikki" (The true story of my devil wife) and was started four years ago by a 33-year-old company employee from Fukuoka who calls himself "Kazuma."

Readers don't need to look far to find examples of the kind of behavior that inspired him. "When I had a cold, she made me sleep under the kotatsu (heated table) because she didn't want to catch my cold," he writes of his 33-year-old wife. "When I came home soaking wet, she made me strip naked by the front door because she didn't want me to get the floor wet."

These online entries received so many hits and attracted so much attention that the contents were published in a book last July. The blog was also made into a TV sitcom with the same title last fall.

"Times have really changed, I think, for this kind of relationship to be featured in a drama series," says Kazuma. "If men in similar situations feel better thinking that at least they're better off than me, I'm happy with that."

People often wonder why he doesn't just break up with this "devil" woman. "I would much rather see my wife happy than make her angry and create a hostile environment," he says.

While the drama series was aired from October to December, its official Web site often received e-mail from people in similar situations.

"I'm a devil wife myself," writes a woman in her 20s. "I say whatever I want to my kind husband and live a happy life. Of course, we are totally in love."

"I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry," runs a message from a man in his 30s. "(My wife) was kind to me before we got married, but now she is quite the devil."

"My mother acts like the female lead," writes a teenage girl. "She forces my father to exchange her favorite ramen ingredients with his, and takes his money and blows 80,000 yen in one shopping spree."

Nonfiction writer Yuki Ishikawa expects the number of tyrannical women to increase. "There are more and more wives who brag about giving their husbands instant food instead of home-cooked meals, justifying their actions as giving their husbands what the husbands want," she says. "I feel like devil wives are innocent in a way, but immature. In the past, there were more women who wanted their husbands to give them attention. But now, many women look for husbands who let them get away with doing little around the house, getting together with friends or going for beauty treatments. I think this change in mindset will increase in the future."

Freelance writer Chihiro Fujiwara, 38, interviewed almost 100 self-described selfish wives and their husbands, and published a book on her findings in early November through Ameba Books Ltd.

When a friend of hers who was making an effort to be a good wife was suddenly served with divorce papers, Fujiwara wondered why that happened at a time when selfish wives were doing whatever they wanted and yet were loved and happy.

As she began interviewing people, she noticed a pattern. "There are no hard feelings because the women immediately tell their husbands whatever is bothering them," she says. "And when their wives demand money from their husbands, the men seem to feel glad that they're needed and are making their wives happy."

Fujiwara herself has been married for seven years. She used to keep her frustrations to herself. But she began telling her husband how she felt. "My husband was surprised at first because he had no idea what I was thinking, but he became kind. When I hinted that I wanted a pair of boots, he bought me a pair and was very happy about it."

"Society as a whole is still dominated by men, so if men ruled at home as well, it would be nasty," says comic book writer Mayumi Kurata. "I think it brings balance to society when women have control in the home.

"Devil wives who can spontaneously be selfish and ask for whatever they want are talented, in a way. Some husbands are happy being ordered around because it's easier to be told what to do. They also love getting all that attention from their wives. But this relationship style is different from the so-called weekend-only marriages and separated couples. I think married couples just need to find a relationship style that suits them."(IHT/Asahi: January 14,2006)


TOPICS: Foreign Affairs; Japan; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: areyoukiddingme; ephesians5vs21thru33; husband; husbandbox; husbandloveyourwife; japan; japanping; manbox; marriage; oniyome; submittingmasochist; test; wifesubmittohusband; wivesdonotsubmit
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To: chasio649

Not me personally, but you didn't know I was a woman until around post 180.


201 posted on 01/15/2006 10:09:32 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Saving the Republic - one joke at a time)
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To: guitfiddlist

Wow...it's nasty in here....i've never bashed american women on FR ever....I've seen guys do it on FR and it's silly...but i don't see these women even offer an olive branch....i'll just stay out of this stuff as i should have from the beginning.


202 posted on 01/15/2006 10:10:05 AM PST by chasio649
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To: SauronOfMordor; Dashing Dasher

Semantics. Was the AVG a US military operation (military in the strict sense of using military force)? Yes.

Was this an official action by the US government or military? No. They wanted plausible deniability.

It was a covert US government-managed operation that intimately involved the US military.


203 posted on 01/15/2006 10:10:48 AM PST by guitfiddlist (When the 'Rats break out switchblades, it's no time to invoke Robert's Rules.)
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To: DTogo
An understatement - been there, done that.

Any advice? I'm in waaaay over my head! I was able to successfully wing the whole marriage thing on my own with just what I learned from the internet but I don't want to screw up her immigration. I'll probably have to hire an attorney because Navy legal is worthless when it comes to this.

204 posted on 01/15/2006 10:10:52 AM PST by Drew68
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To: Dashing Dasher

I knew you were a woman long ago...i frequent FR.


205 posted on 01/15/2006 10:11:35 AM PST by chasio649
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To: Fawn
Then you don't fit in the definition of mail bride orderer.

No, marrying someone I've never met was never a desire. Had one blind date in college: first and last.

...men who purposely marry a foreign woman because they dislike American woman. (they can't handle us :)

For some it's not a question of "dislike" but rather of preference, or simply finding the right person who just happens to be a non-American.

206 posted on 01/15/2006 10:12:25 AM PST by DTogo (I haven't left the GOP, the GOP left me.)
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To: Excuse_My_Bellicosity

This sound suspiciously like a wife who ACTUALLY TELLS YOU WHAT SHE WANTS!!!

I have plenty of two word responses for that sort of occurance, but find it more difficult to correctly guess what she is thinking.

You can deal with the devil wife with an FU or a simple "no."


207 posted on 01/15/2006 10:13:34 AM PST by Poser
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To: dsc
Their attempts to "tighten up on abuses" always have the effect of inconveniencing the innocent, while doing nothing to actually prevent abuses.

Tell me about it. I'm a born and bred American citizen serving my country in the Navy and I have to jump through hoops to bring my wife over here. Meanwhile, Mohommed, who wants to take "flying lessons" gets to waltz right through.

I can go on and on.

208 posted on 01/15/2006 10:16:35 AM PST by Drew68
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To: Xenalyte; Allegra

That reminds me. My feet are cold. I got a pair of those chenille socks last year and I'm going to go look for them. Thanks! We are working on 27-28 days of continuous rain in the NW.


209 posted on 01/15/2006 10:16:35 AM PST by phantomworker (Winning is important but the real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I'm doing)
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To: Dashing Dasher
Still wasn't a US Military Action. It was a volunteer group

So let's suppose a group of active-duty Saudi military officers were given official permission by their government to leave their military for the purpose of forming a group that would be conducting operations whose primary purpose was the killing of US citizens.

Let's also suppose they were given Saudi military arms, military planes, equiptment and supplies "on loan" for this purpose.

You would not consider their subsequent actions to be anything we should have a long talk with the Saudi government about?

210 posted on 01/15/2006 10:18:27 AM PST by SauronOfMordor (A planned society is most appealing to those with the hubris to think they will be the planners)
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To: phantomworker
I have to agree that it works both ways. I got married and within 5 months, he lost his job and decided to be a house husband. I love men, but better to stay single than to have that happen again!

Would you have seen anything wrong with one of your female friends deciding to be a housewife?

211 posted on 01/15/2006 10:21:42 AM PST by SauronOfMordor (A planned society is most appealing to those with the hubris to think they will be the planners)
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To: SauronOfMordor
Would you have seen anything wrong with one of your female friends deciding to be a housewife?

That's the thing. I was brought up in the traditional household. It was a shock to my value system.

Now I am all for equal partnership.

212 posted on 01/15/2006 10:24:54 AM PST by phantomworker (Winning is important but the real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I'm doing)
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To: AlbionGirl
"God bless you, dsc, and your wife and kids. By the way is your baby closing in on her first birthday yet?"

Why, thank you, and yes, she is. February 13. She was toddling at ten months, and occasionally comes out with a word or two.

Image hosting by TinyPic

213 posted on 01/15/2006 10:30:34 AM PST by dsc (Islamic sexual violence against women should be treated as the repressive epidemic it is.)
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To: phantomworker

WigWam socks are popular in the midwest. Merino wool is the way to go for 0 degree weather.


214 posted on 01/15/2006 10:32:19 AM PST by Westlander (Unleash the Neutron Bomb)
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To: Fawn
Then you don't fit in the definition of mail bride orderer. When that term is used, it is directed towards men who purposely marry a foreign woman because they dislike American woman. (they can't handle us :)

When somebody decides he prefers a Nissan over a Ford, it's not because he can't "handle" Fords, or that he has psychological problems relating to Fords. He just happens to think that Nissans are better made and generate fewer problems over their operating lifetime.

While some may feel that they have a duty to "Buy American", others just think that it's masochism to buy a product that you're unhappy with, just for the sake of "Buying American".

215 posted on 01/15/2006 10:33:06 AM PST by SauronOfMordor (A planned society is most appealing to those with the hubris to think they will be the planners)
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To: Westlander

I found mine, thanks! Chenille/ fleece seem to be the warmest and lightest. Wool is a little scratchey, isn't it? I used to wear wool ice skating and walking in the snow as a kid. But wool gets soppy when wet. Maybe I'll just out shopping to get exercise to keep warm! LOL!


216 posted on 01/15/2006 10:38:40 AM PST by phantomworker (Winning is important but the real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I'm doing)
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To: SauronOfMordor; Fawn
While some may feel that they have a duty to "Buy American", others just think that it's masochism to buy a product that you're unhappy with, just for the sake of "Buying American".

Ah, oh. Once again you are talking commodity. Therein lies the rub. One big issue, imo, is the 'love' factor. I personally prefer to be attracted to and in love with my significant other. If someone can find a partner in a catalog or online that they are attracted to and fall in love with them. I personally see no problem in that. How often that can happen, who knows? Maybe we should all go shopping for our mate in a catalog then. ;)

217 posted on 01/15/2006 10:46:16 AM PST by phantomworker (Winning is important but the real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I'm doing)
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To: Fintan
Good Lord! Get that poor man some real clothes, and a REAL dog!


218 posted on 01/15/2006 10:46:46 AM PST by AnAmericanMother (Ministrix of Ye Chase, TTGC Ladies' Auxiliary (recess appointment))
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To: guitfiddlist

yep...there's a list of them if you care to look for it....


219 posted on 01/15/2006 10:47:12 AM PST by chasio649
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To: Poser

Yeah, a guy's gotta do something. I don't feel sorry for a guy who won't step up and let's her get away with it time and time and time again. As another poster put it, this woman is a lot more of a mommy than a wife. Pretty sad.


220 posted on 01/15/2006 10:51:27 AM PST by Excuse_My_Bellicosity ("Sharpei diem - Seize the wrinkled dog.")
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