Posted on 01/11/2006 12:58:24 AM PST by beaversmom
DEAR ABBY: I am a female who is almost 38 years old. Most of my adult life has been spent in school, working or traveling. It is only in the last two years that I have met someone and settled down somewhat -- although we are not married. We are both artists, so much of our time is filled doing the things that we love and believe in. Neither of us feels a giant void in our relationship or our lives that needs to be filled by a baby.
In the past year or so, several of my co-workers and other people I barely know keep asking, ``When are you going to have a baby?'' or, ``You only have a couple more years -- aren't you going to have a baby?'' or, ``Don't you want kids?''
My family doesn't even ask me these questions! I think they are extremely rude and intrusive, and I resent the simple-minded assumption that just because a person has a uterus and ovaries she must make a baby. How should I respond to these questions?
Childless and happy in Texas
(Excerpt) Read more at mercurynews.com ...
I agree with you. When I was much younger I thought just everybody should have babies. Not just one, either. But now, it's easy to see that children would just be additional possessions to some, and not cherished as individuals and family. More's the pity.
The worse question, imho, is, 'You want to have a baby?'. (Of course, I'm not talking about 15 yr olds who mistakenly think motherhood is the best choice over high school, work or college...)
Great post! ^5
Thanks! It's nice to know I'm not alone here.
Jesus said, "Do not judge others, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:1
Sometime around six; it ain't been on the grill long enough yet.
Exactly!
I'm amazed at the smug, judgmental, pigeonholing behavior of some of these posters.
Exactly...why do people seem to have a problem with that?
...or when they plan to have liposuction...
Dear Allegra,
"Do you have kids?" is a pretty reasonable question, especially when you first make someone's acquaintance. It's part of, "Are you married?", "Are you from around here? Oh, you did? Where did you go to school?" and that sort of stuff.
"Why?" is a touchier question. Folks shouldn't ask it.
The problem is, it's a natural follow-up. It's kinda like the first question drives you at 50 mph toward the cliff, and not to ask "why?" is to bring things to a screeching halt before you go over the cliff.
Before we had children (rather late for our social group and family), we'd simply answer with a smile, "It just hasn't turned out that way!"
With folks who weren't really rude, it usually ended the conversation.
sitetest
"The couple who can, but chooses not to have children are the ultimate in selfishness, for they demand that the future pay for their present."
As a voluntarily childless couple, we'd take issue with you on that. We pay a lot for other people's future, including about $4000 a year out of our property taxes for public schools we don't use and never will.
We have our own savings and investments, and don't have Social Security as part of our retirement planning. In fact, we CAN plan for retirement because of all the money we saved on tuitions, summer camps, music lessons, and other child-related expenditures.
Since you think our childlessness has negative repercussions on the future, how would you suggest society force couples like us to reproduce?
Sounds like a candidate for "Here's your sign..."
The worst question for a woman is ..."When's your baby due?" ...when you're not pregnant.
If someone doesn't want kids, then fine. They won't be good parents anyway.
However, I reject the notion that it's somehow horrible of someone to not want kids. I do personally, but honestly, I know a lot of people that just don't LIKE kids...and I'd really rather they not reproduce as they won't be good parents.
How about jail terms for rudeness? Or maybe 30 lashes for annoying you? Better yet, you might try prozac. That will calm you down.
Great post. I especially agree with the statement about the birthmother..
I thought that's what the article was going to be...
Me too! If I gain weight, most of it goes to my front, so on a bad day I may look a little pregnant. I had a woman I supervised ask me once if I was pregnant - I was so horribly offended! (Yes, I could have stood to lose 5lbs, but DANG!) I am 8 weeks pregnant now, so I'm not showing, but I'm waiting for the day when someone here at work with no tact asks about the baby...I'm not sure how I'm going to react, especially since I don't want a lot of people here knowing.
I'm sorry for you, and people can be rude and insensitive, but it is a natural query. Society must reproduce itself or it will die.
Using your logic, if I'm offended that someone asks me whether my wife is good in bed, it means the answer is, "No."
I don't have a high tolerance level for stupid, rude people.
The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it is none of my business but--" is to place a period after the word “but.” Don't use excessive force in supplying such moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.
-- "Lazarus Long" (Robert A. Heinlein)
Actually, I have no problem with it, WITHIN REASON. And no, it's not because I'm a young horny guy in search of any naked breast I can find.
I just don't think there is shame in breastfeeding a child. Should you do it in a board meeting? No. At a restaurant? Well, possibly. I'd say it depends on how discreet you can be. At a park? Sure, why not.
Well I think they're trying to make a (rather bad) joke...
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