Replies

*ring*
Pat Robertson: Hello?
God: Pat? This is God.
Pat: Who? Oh, yeah... God. (looks around for something shiny)
God: How's it going?
Pat(finding a slinky): Not bad, Lord, not bad. We raised lots of money last month. I'll take my usual 40%, pay the network expenses, and send the rest to you. (winking)
God: Don't you think it would be a good idea to use that money to.. I don't know.. feed hungry people? Buy clothes for for children?
Pat: Well, Lord, I really think we're doing your Will. And it's expensive to serve you. I mean, look at this suit! It cost me $3500 just for this one suit, and I'm on TV every day!
God: Hmmm.
Pat: You know... It's not easy being your servant, Lord.
God: How's that?
Pat: I said it's not easy being your servant. It's a lot of work to be smarmy and judgemental!
God: Indeed...
Pat: And getting the word out on your various judgements! Many people just don't believe as easily as they used to. I took a lot of heat for spreading the news after 9/11, you know...
God: Yeah, Pat... That's kind of what I'm calling about.
Pat: What's up, Boss?
God: You need to stop speaking for me before I shove a bolt of lightning up your ass.
Pat: Huh?
God: You heard me! Knock it off... I'm tired of making excuses for you.
Pat: Excuses to whom?
God: Oh, you know... just.. people.
Pat: Is someone reporting to you behind my back?
God: Yes, but I'm taking that secret to your grave. Hehe, little joke. Moses thinks it's time to give you leprosy. He's got a great sense of humor like that.