Part of the problem Mr. Olson is that your son has a sick soul. The kind of help he needs will not be found in a pill or some anger management class. He needs guidance and spiritual help, something I'm afraid on the basis of this article that you have probably neglected to get him for years.
Get a life. There's a point these kids go off to be that way on their own. I have been dealing with a kid that is determined to go bad no matter what I do. He's stolen money and medicines from me, has a drinking problem, smokes and plays with drugs. He's gotten into trouble with the law.
I have done it all. And that includes working hard on his spiritual life. But because I can't physically lock him in the house 24/7, he does things with his peer group I cannot control. This time, he's been gone four days. This state doesn't make runaway a ticketable offense. If he's not home by morning, I'll probably turn him in cause he's got school again tomorrow.
But there is a point in an adolescent's life you don't own him any more. He's owned by his peer group, if he's owned by anybody. If he chooses to do everything you say is wrong, you cannot really make him. The only thing I could have done was move out of state, and that was not doable.
Currently, he stands for values totally different than what I had been raising him with. AND I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO STOP IT. He wants to be this way.
He's not a person I like much today. Maybe later, but right now, soon as he turns 18, he will be asked to leave unless he decides to act differently.
You don't know what the parents of these boys had done either. They may be dealing with a situation like mine.
It's easy to talk about discipline. We need discipline for those adults who sell cigarettes and booze to kids. We need reform of a high school system that puts too many adolescents together without enough adults. We need rules that have some bite in them when kids get into trouble the first time.
We don't need to be sanctimonious about what is a family crisis that it is easy to be an armchair referee about.