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Again, things are seldom as simple and straightforward as one spouse cheating and the other spouse being a shocked, innocent victim cold-cocked by reality.

A cheater is easy to deride - they break one of the big promises they made in their lives. That being said, the simple fact that someone was alienated by their spouse and took up with someone else doesn't necessarily mean that the cheated-upon spouse is entirely innocent, or even deserving of undue sympathy.

Very few people set out to cheat on their spouses. Almost every person who tells a jealous spouse to 'trust me,' is more likely than not sincere - when they say those words. The decision is seldom to cheat on their spouse, but much more often to indulge in their lust for someone else. It's a bad thing, I agree. It's not a 'good guy-bad guy' thing where the cheater is automatically the bad guy, I am afraid.

This is a minefield because a lot of people can't cope with the fact that someone can rightfully reject their current spouse because of deficiencies in their character, and yet execute that rejection in a very bad way by indulging in extramartial relationship with someone else.

I have always suspected that there is almost no clarity on this issue because people can't cope with the fact that they aren't being a good spouse themselves, and can't cope with the idea of being (rightfully) rejected themselves. Just my gut feeling on the matter.

I think divorce is bad for kids, but I never thought it was bad for marriage. I think Dennis has taken a similar posture over the years.

I admit, I am in nyc and not listening to his show today. I'll be sure to catch it next week, though.

I hear your careful explanation of how it's a dance, and not always the cheating spouse's fault, but I respectfully disagree. Let's leave off the whole subject of children, for a moment, and imagine a guy who is always rebuffed by his wife. She treats him shrewishly and never makes him feel like a man. It's been a year since she's been intimate with him. He works hard at his job and there is a lovely, wonderful, single woman in his office. They have worked alone together on many occasions. They are getting to know each other and really hit it off in ways he never did with his wife.

There you go, right? The perfect scenario. Oh, and this could be changed from husband to wife if you like.

The correct thing, the absolute moral thing to do, is for the husband to legally separate from his wife. He could try marital counseling with her first, if he so desired. But the right thing to do is NOT to cheat on the wife, to break the marital vow. Legally separate and then do what you want. That seems like a more decent thing to do.

And since Dennis Prager said just now on his show that infidelity is not involved here, maybe he is doing the decent thing.

(Oh, and I have never been involved in any sort of cheating spouse scenario. But I do see how it devastates others, and it is one of the Big Commandments.)

Dennis regularly uses religion to form his opinions and his desired outcomes for society. No problem.

Howerver, scripture does give the examples that divorce may be permissible. If his situation fails that test, then that makes it an issue that he should be taken to task.

Simply stating that all make errors or sin doesn't excuse it. And if this is for non scriptural reasons and if he's the one who is advocating it, then he is just as guilty as some of those who he decries day in and day out.

"A cheater is easy to deride - they break one of the big promises they made in their lives. That being said, the simple fact that someone was alienated by their spouse and took up with someone else doesn't necessarily mean that the cheated-upon spouse is entirely innocent, or even deserving of undue sympathy."

Not true, imho.

There comes a point where wrong is wrong, regardless of circumstance, reason or justification. There is simply never any excuse for cheating, period.

Years ago, I was in a church where one of the deacons left his wife and shacked up with a young woman in the choir.

It was obviously wrong.

However, in private, our pastor made the comment, "If you had ever seen how his wife treated him at home, you wouldn't be so quick to condemn." Found out later that his wife was one of those who ALWAYS found fault with her husband, and vocalized it constantly. He didn't leave her for sex, he left her for someone that actually LIKED him.

It was still wrong, but it taught me to be careful about condemning someone based on the obvious facts.