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Thou art arm'd that hath thy crook'd schemers straight. Cudgel thy brains no more, the clinton plots are great....

On Neutered and Neutering

by Mia T and Edward Zehr (EZ)

With all the neutered talk of late
I thought y'all would appreciate
a relevant Shakespearean conversation
with EZ, a clinton chronicler Elizabethan.

[I had just asked the playwright if he had writer's block.]

EZ:
Think that thy bard hath now MacJeff forsaken?
In that would'st thou be verily mistaken.
Mayhap thou hast impatiently forgot
That facts comprise the essence of the plot.

MIA T:
Methinks thy bard hath schemes forsaken.
Mayhap thou art verily mistaken.
Plots comprise the essence of the facts.
Forsake the contrariwise artifacts.

EZ:
Gadzooks, could'st be thy bard is put to rout?
'Twould seem his veriest words are turned about.
Could'st show whereby effect doth flow from cause,
Would'st then be due a round of brisk applause.

Perhaps I could this point of view adopt,
For was not Bill by Hillary thus bopped
In like wise as MacJeff, upon the head,
And with a lamp, just as thy bard hath said?

Thus are the facts revealed for all to see:
Thy bard did make good use of ESP.
Contrariwise, the White House read my serial,
And sought to make good use of the material.

MIA T:
Thy bard's "effect doth flow from cause" linearity
And 'twould seem thy veriest good use of oracularity
'Twere not the nature of the plots I pricked thy bard to adopt
Withal Bill, like wise as MacJeff, upon the head was bopped.

Methought the plots thou would'st use sprung not o' telepathy.
Didst thou never hear the most traitorously corrupted conspiracy?
Brutus's heart wrapp'd in Hillaryous hide.
Interns and China suckling the impotent fool Cheapside.

What more paying play than a corrupted plot untainted
With thrice times two naked villains feinted?
Thou art arm'd that hath thy crook'd schemers straight.
Cudgel thy brains no more, the clinton plots are great.

EZ:
A point well made, experience vicarious
Was grounded in events utmost Hillaryous.
Betruth, the president sustained concussion
Ere I had even started the discussion.

But, lest thy bard be seen to make retreat,
The second bop was truly a repeat.
In consequence, I need no psychic hotline
To reconstruct an oft repeated plotline.

Now, as regards the wretched Cheapside brat,
And turmoil his concupiscence begat,
Need'st have no fear regards unfolding strife
O'er these events, for Art must copy Life.

MIA T:
Eureka! (Not Gadzooks!)
Though I have neither wit, nor words, nor playbooks
Thy bard this simpleminded poster avoidth plagiarize.
(Withal thy bard's own baseborn tendency contrariwise.)

Now, as regards the wretched Cheapside brat,
And turmoil his concupiscence begat,
Methinks MacJeff's crook'd feelpolitik, the lasix death, his solipsistic sex
Thou must put in cold blood'd cardiovascular context.

The brain deviseth laws for the blood,
but the brain 'tself is ne'er understood.
The King's crook'dness flows from limp circulation.
Methinks the solution is swift amputation.

EZ:
Thou place thy versifier in a quandary,
Redoubling thy most sharp-edged entendre.
The gist of they intent can I but gape on.
Dost thou propose the prez be made a capon?

In blood caught up these wretches play their role,
But this must not become Le Grand Guignol.
Lest those of delicate mien be made to faint,
'Twere better I should exercise restraint.

Mind you, Act I, scene 4 drips the odd bit of gore here and there.

MIA T:
Thy bard's excessive predilection metaphorical
confuseth redoubled sharp-edged entendre with one blunt oracle.

Forsooth, thy bard surely knowth,
Phallus on eunuch can't growth.
Plucking capon from hen's an impossibility,
Unless the cluck's hermaphroditic Hillary.

Actually, the Peyronie's Disease saga actually segues well into the issue of clinton's obsession with his pathetic legacy. On clinton Crookedness: a theory Mulligans, Peyronie's Disease and The First Rapist

by Mia T

He made more of a fuss over a minor knee injury than FDR ever did about polio.

The Weekly Standard, Ask Not. . .

Now, as regards the wretched Cheapside brat,
And turmoil his concupiscence begat,
Methinks MacJeff's crook'd feelpolitik, the lasix death, his solipsistic sex
Thou must put in cold blood'd cardiovascular context.

The brain deviseth laws for the blood,
but the brain 'tself is ne'er understood.
The King's crook'dness flows from limp circulation.
Methinks the solution is swift amputation.

Mia T, On Neutered and Neutering
Mia T and Edward Zehr (EZ)

The evaluation of the treatments for Peyronie's disease is difficult; the natural history is such that the plaque may resolve spontaneously. As recently as 1973, no treatment had been evaluated in a controlled clinical study.

Francois de LaPeyronie (1678-1747) notwithstanding, the origin of the eponym is vague and the disease remains an enigma. To this day, the treatment can be difficult. It is not surprising that so many treatments have been tried and so much dogma written.

Indeed, in 1903, William Johnson Walsham, the famous surgeon from St Bartholomew's Hospital in London, and author of the standard surgical text book of the day, wrote; "... if treatment of the plaque with iodides is unsuccessful ... or if the induration progresses ... then the whole penis must be promptly amputated." Would that Dr. Walsham had treated The First Rapist.

As we shall see, in a bizarre twist of knee--not fate--bill clinton seems to have suffered penile surgery, nonetheless.

Note:

Peyronie's disease occurs most frequently in middle-aged men, less frequently in older men and infrequently in younger men who have more elastic tissues.
The acquired penile curvature of Peyronie's disease can result from certain sexual practices.
Correction of congenital penile curvature -- or acquired penile curvature secondary to Peyronie's disease -- can be accomplished through a number of simple surgical techniques and medical treatments.
Correction is difficult to detect but it is possible when done by an expert who is specifically looking for it.
When the surgery is performed, the urologist's standard recommendation is that the patient USE CRUTCHES AND LATER A CANE to avoid irritating the area, which begs the following question:

Was bill clinton the first U.S. President in history to obstruct justice by penile surgery?
The First Rapist clearly understood that Jones v. clinton was on the docket.
Being the most brilliant president ever, he must have figured out that any confirmation of the crookedness alleged by Jones would surely do him in.
The documented serial shredder of documents and reflexive obstructor of justice would have, doubtless, thought nothing of a little evidentiary nip here and tuck there.

But how to explain the time out for the surgery and the post-op crutches?
Eureka! (Or we should say "Fore!"?) A knee injury--actual or feigned--would (if you'll pardon the expression) turn the trick.

NOTE: I would normally favor the former option--a real knee injury, as it would require one less doctor to be in on the felony obstruction (i.e., the urologist and not the orthopedic surgeon); but in this case we are dealing with a quintessential coward (one who is as cowardly about physical harm to himself as he is cavalier about physical harm to others--witness the rapes and the bombings), so I will have to go with the latter option, a feigned bum knee... Unless... unless the penile surgery was done "in-house" on an "outpatient" basis, i.e., unless the penile surgery in fact preceded "the accident," and the urologist was instructed to give The First Rapist's knee the requisite whack while the coward was under anesthesia.

Either scenario is consistent with The First Rapist's convenient "accident" at the estate of pro golfer, Greg Norman where, you may recall, Mulligan Man injured his "knee," required emergent surgery on said "knee" FORE!thwith...and used crutches and then a cane for an extended period post-op.

The happy couple:"Mission Accomplished"

Hauling him onto Air Force One
Despite milking the wheelchair bit for all it was worth--or perhaps because of it--bill clinton emerged post-op more Larry Flynt

than FDR.


proving the propostition confirmed by the democrat debacle of '02, that maladroit, clintonian use of props and poses often backfires.