Posted on 12/07/2005 1:16:35 PM PST by Caleb1411
Do u lk bks? I lk bks lotz. Dats y dis sux.
OK, I'll stop now. The copy editor is giving me the stank eye.
If you are below a certain age, the foregoing is probably clear as Aruban seas. If you are above that same age, it is likely as murky as Mississippi mud.
For the benefit of the latter, what you've just read is a few words written as a text message — or at least, my best approximation thereof. I can only be so fluent after all, given that I am of middle age and this quasi-language of symbols and truncated words is mostly used by Kids These Days to communicate electronically with their peers. A translation in English would read as follows: "Do you like books? I like books lots. That's why this sucks."
"This" being the recent news that a cell phone company in Great Britain has enlisted a former English professor to create text message synopses of great works of literature as an alleged study aid for college students.
That's right, Great Britain, the nation that gave us Dickens, Chaucer, Milton and Shakespeare, now gives us "text books," a new service offered by dot mobile, the aforementioned cell phone company. By April, it expects to have amassed a library of great English literature reduced to text message outlines. This would include John Milton's "Paradise Lost," "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen, Chaucer's "The Canterbury Tales" and, yes, the complete works of William Shakespeare, wherein the most famous speech of a certain melancholy Danish prince would be rendered as follows: 2b? Nt2b? ???
For the benefit of the text-challenged, that's "To be or not to be, that is the question."
The cell phone company says this will be a "valuable learning tool." I'd have chosen another description.
Yes, I'm being a little snotty here. But I swear it has nothing to do with Mr. Jacobs making us slog like a death march through "Pride and Prejudice" back in high school, without any fancy high-tech shortcuts to help us.
OK, so maybe it does have a little bit to do with that. But the other reason, the main reason, is the one I already gave. I like books.
There is wisdom and insight in them that cannot be readily reduced to a few characters on a cell phone screen. There is music and cadence in them that you simply cannot transmit with symbols and emoticons.
Yes, I know what it's like to be a time-pressed college student. Heck, I was once one myself. And I'll confess that I probably cracked a Cliff's Notes or two when I was too jammed up — or, dare I say it, lazy — to do the assigned reading. I will even concede the class of '06 faces pressures we couldn't conceive back in the days of human receptionists and rotary dial telephones.
For all that, though, I find it hard to believe the real issue here is time. How busy do you have to be when Cliff's Notes are too demanding?
No, for my money, this is simply another example of a growing stupidization — put your dictionary away, I made it up — that infects our culture like a virus, rendering it faster than ever before, but also dumber and more shallow. And apparently not just our culture. I mean, I had always thought of stupidization as an American affliction, so I don't know whether to be relieved or appalled to see it also showing up in Britain, where erudition was raised and eloquence keeps a summer home.
2b? Nt2b? ???
Give me a break.
Better yet, give me a book.
whats this?
vry un1337
et 2 brute? ceasar = pwned
If WWII had been fought online:
*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks! ownage!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
*poland has joined the game*
poland:HAY GUYS HOWZ IT GOIUNG DUDZ?
*poland has been eliminated*
poland:****!!!!11
poland:**** U ****ING SPAWN CAMPERS!!!
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got crap to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: ****
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bull**** u ***s im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bull**** u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right biznitch im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh **** help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: eisenhower hax hes killing all my ****
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun ****socker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this **** im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: **** now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: Yeah, wtf is nukes?
Stalin: d00d, gimme some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: OMGWTFBBQ!!?
*T0J0 has been COMPLETELY OWNZORED*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all ***s
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o ****!
*paTTon has left the game.*
There is nothing more cancerous than a lazy mind.
Short hand....
LOLZOR!
so why did you not type out electronic mail instead of email? And why use the acronym "sms"?
http://www.rofl.name/roflcopter/
Classic...
ROFLMAO!
McGavin, you'll love this one!
this guy writes the article like its a new thing. l337 5p33k has been around in a number of forms for atleast a decade.
That's cute.
The only thing I noticed is that I think "benny~tow" probably played a little longer than he should have.
Nah, I think the world of acronyms, abbreviations, and the like is much more insidious and wide ranging than even we lovers of language might imagine.
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