Lay down your arms, infidel crusader armies! Accept the way of submission, abandon your satanic addictions; booze, naked women, and rock music! Bow down to Mecca five times a day and believe in your soul of souls that there is no God but Allah and Mohammed (peace be upon him) is his prophet! Re-establish the Caliphate and pledge your lives to extend its enlightened rule over the entire globe! Or, give us twenty million dollars; small bills, non-sequential if you please."
December 3, 2005 Press release for ALL Christian Peacemaker Teams, and All other peace activists working in the Middle East to bring down the evil Bush regime.
Please print this and carry it with you AT ALL TIMES !!!
Handy Phrases For Traveling in the Middle East
(A few handy phrases translated to English -- in case you're ever kidnapped by terrorists.)
AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOFTAN.= Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.
FEKR GABUL CARDAN DAVAT RAEH GUSH DIVAR.= I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart.
SHOMAEH FIKR TAMOMEH GEH GOFTEK BANDE.= I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.
AUTO ARRAREGH DVATEMAN MAMO SEPAHEH-HAST.= It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMA RAJEBEH KESHAVAREHMAN.= If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.
KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEII AMRKAHEY.= I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.
BALLI, BALLI, BALLI!= Whatever you say!
MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLIEH, GORBAN.= The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.
TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE GOYAST INO BERGERAM.= The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.
BA BODENEH SHEERELL TEEGZ.= Truly, I would rather be a hostage to your greatly esteemed self than to spend a fortnight upon the person of Cheryl Tiegs.
Once again, print this out and carry it with you, and good luck !!
(...sarcasm off thingee goes in this spot....)