Posted on 11/27/2005 4:18:42 PM PST by Lorianne
I can say 'cynic' too.
I did pretty much the same thing with my Dad.Wouldn't have done it any other way,given how good he was to so many people,including me.
I remember her. She was at KGO 810 in San Francisco for years.
Amen.
Yo' gubamyster, pretty cynical there, huh?
I can't imagine taking care of any of my parents this way, it would be so incredibly difficult. I'd sooner let them join my life than give up everything and join theirs. I have to admit, I don't understand it...And I can tell you there are plenty of siblings who would be suspicious that the poor girl was doing it for the inheritance money - mainly because that's the only way they can imagine themselves ever doing it...I'm sure she couldn't be paid enough to go through what she is...
I doubt anyone who might fit your description of a Sleaze would have the patience to deal with the demands of an Alzheimers family member.
It just used to be a "normal thing" to do.
Yes, but in this day and age it is a very loving thing to do. My parents are elderly and their health is slowly declining. I live about a mile from their home and won't even consider moving to the next county because I want to stay close to them. Call it what you will I just love them so very much.
We took care of my mother. There are many ways to do it. She lived with us for years and then became dangerous to herself. That happens too. We all benefited from it. She loved the time with us and being near us in a group home. We got to see her turn from angry aggitated dementia to sweet granny "I love you" days. Her death was at home.
There's no need to be cynical about this. If the parents have substantial net worth, it makes a lot of sense. In effect, she has chosen a new career as a care taker, and she is in a position to provide superior care at greatly reduced cost, so why not? Where is the virtue in casting your parents into hell so that vultures can devour your inheritance ?
I gave up -- ended my carreer for a decade -- and helped both of my parents die. (The role of the only child.)
They had saved $500,000 over a lifetime, through skimping and going without. By the time they died, that was gone and I had gone through my savings, as well, caring for them.
These are issues, we as a society, must address, for all of our sakes. (Sorry, if that sounds liberal.)
Having just put my mother in a nursing home, I can relate. After almost 3 years, the strain of caring for my mother became unbearable. She needed 24/7 looking after and I was afraid to leave her alone.
It's painful to turn them over to strangers, but it was my only way of surviving. She is very happy to have all the attention. Everytime I visit, she thanks me over and over for bringing her there. But it's still hard to visit, knowing she doesn't know who I am.
I don't regret the time I spent with her, but there is no way one person can do that job alone - or even with a whole family - somebody always has to be with them.
These are issues, we as a society, must address, for all of our sakes. (Sorry, if that sounds liberal.)
I don't think that sounds liberal at all. Our older generations made this country. They do not owe us we owe them.
I took care of both my mom and dad, at home when they were ill and dying...they lived in California, I lived in Washington State....I was lucky, I had a husband who was willing to work to earn the living, come home to do my job, and my younger son was 15, so he was not a baby who needed his mom all the time...the men in my family, worked together to ensure that I could go down to California for several weeks, care for my parents, and come home to Washington state for a few days rest...It just seemed so much better for my parents to be able to live in their own home, and be taken care of there...
Dads cancer tho, finally took him after a few months of my care...mom had late stage Alzheimers, and for a year, I went back and forth between California and Washington...after a year of doing that, I made the decision to buy a bigger house in Washington, and move mom in with us...which is what we did...
Mom lived another two years with us, and in her Alzheimer dementia induced state, she no longer knew who any of us were...she just knew she was safe, she was loved, ,she was taken care of, and that is what she seemed to need...she died at home, surrounded by her family...
Ironically, I have worked for years in nursing homes, and have seen those who have been brought there to live out their last days...we who work in the nursing homes, are often closer to our residents than their own family is...we care for them, we love them as if they were our own family, we are the ones who hold their hands when they are scared and about to die...
I do realize that not everyone feels they are able to care for their aged parents at home...but it might be worthwhile, in spite of ones doubts, to at least give it a try... I am so glad, that I cared for my parents at home until they died...it is a decision that I never regretted, no matter how difficult things got...I always figured, as a baby and as a child growing up, I am sure I was difficult to handle at times(I was a really bratty child), yet my parents never sent me away...in their last days, I figured, I could never send my parents away from me...
Children learn from their parents. Those that ignore their parents in their last years will find that out when their there.
I've been living this same life for the last three years with my grandmother who has dementia. On days when she remembers who I am, it's like as if the fog has lifted, and I try to hold onto those moments as much as I can, because those moments are like the ray of sunshine and a break from the stress and frustration of knowing your loved one is drifting further away.
My mother did the same, only they liked one another.I'll never
face this, my parents both died suddenly at different times.
Prayers up! I know what you're going through... God Bless!
Whether or not to go for the nursing home is dependent on the elderly parent's condition and the caregiver's personality
and financial considerations
in a perfect world folks should be allowed to die at home but sometimes caring for them at home can be worse than high intensity assisted living
and some old folks vehemently refuse to be a bother to kids or grandkids...or it's a pride thing
there is just more to it than the ideal....though I admire the ideal
my wife and i have now dealt with this twice and working on two more circumstances now
it's tuff....i'm glad we are here and can help
however...my own mother already has a local Ritz Carlton level assisted living staked out....that's how she wants it...but we can afford that as an extended family....I have seen some county homes that leave a lot to be desired
growing old ain't fer sissies
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