You are correct that God "hates" divorce. But there is only one inpardonable sin- blasphemy of the holy spirit. God is a God of love and forgiveness. While there are penalties for sin, the Bible says that when you confess your sins, God chooses not only to forgive, but to forget they ever sinned in the forst place. So shouldn't we withhold our judgement and let the Almighty do the judging?
Again, I have no comment on anyone's particular situation. I just think pastor's should preach the word unapologetically. Let the chips then fall where they may. Interstingly, notice that if you do that, that the temptation to try to judge/compromise/calculate goes away. Just stay on the script. Let God do the rest.
That is, however, a pretty strong drink. Most pastors would be terrified of the Biblical text without their moderating commentary. I think that is a big mistake.
As an aside, in a previous post someone said that there were good reasons to divorce, then I posted that God hates divorce. As for me and my house, If I am going to err, I am going to err on what Scripture says, rather than with what my personal feelings about the matter might be and no matter how much it hurts.