Oh goodness, I don't remember what color I wore to my 18 year old sons funeral. Maybe a light colored suit, I really don't remember. Do you think people thought I wasn't grieving for him because I wasn't sobbing and wearing black? I sure hope the other people at the funeral weren't talking about me behind my back and saying I was responsible for his accident. Fashion is so important.
Well fortunately you hadn't just murdered him! And, yes, they probably were talking about you behind your back. Sorry, however, for your loss. It is a terrible tragedy. I grieve for you.
I'm sorry to hear about your son. You do what's best for you. I find it's best not to worry about what others think. There will always be a "well I never" in a crowd.
I identify completely with you...my son died when he was 15...I remember everything about the funeral, what I was wearing etc. but I could not cry...
My son had a usually rare and terminal type of leukemia...I cried so much when he was ill for the 15 months that he lived with this disease, that when he died, I could no longer cry...no matter how hard I tried to cry, I could not...I was either all cried out, or just in absolute grief and shock...
His funeral was held 700 miles away from where we were living, down by my parents...so we drove down there...when we returned home, a few weeks later, I lost my memory completely, and it was gone for about 15 months..
That was 20yrs ago, and I still have very little recollection of that time right after his funeral...my doc says its just my brains way of dealing with his loss...its probably better that I dont remember how I felt during that time...since I did not get into any trouble or cause problems for anyone(My hubby took great care of me during this time), I do suspect that my having amnesia for that time is really the best thing for my mental health...
People who have never gone through a tremendous shock, or tremendous grief, do not really realize that that shock and grief can make a person act in ways which they thought they would not...
My prayers are with you, in dealing with the death of your child...I know how difficult it can be...