E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered

Oregon Magazine ^ | 11/14/2005 | By Staff

[oxcart]

E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by force particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of orbiting peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction within its field range, which like gravity is unlimited but whose intensity reduces by the square of the distance from the original source. A minute amount of Governmentium located within one football field of length away causes a single event to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons in a given location reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

[fanfan]

LOL!

[Semper Paratus]

Atom walks into a bar and sits down.
Bartender says "why the long positron?"

[Semper Paratus]

Atom walks into a bar and sees a very attractive atom alone the corner.
Atom walks over and says "Lets split!"

[theDentist]

An fast neutron runs into a Mass full of heavy atoms and makes an explosive situation critical...

[Semper Paratus]

Atom drives by a Church and sees another atom standing by the door.
Atoms asks, "Are you waiting for something?"
Other atom answers, "Critical Mass".

[Irish_Thatcherite]

The moron particle, that must be responsible for the stupidity force. Also known as the liberal boson....

[theDentist]

A Proton and an Electron are in an excited discussion, when up walks a Neutron who asks, "What's so critical?"
They reply, "There was a massive explosion! How come you didn't see it?"
"Oh, I was fission."

[EsmeraldaA]

Very very cute.
:-))

[Semper Paratus]

Atom walks into a bar sees another atom hunched over a drink.
Jeez you look awful! What happened to you?

I was just in a collider!

[Irish_Thatcherite]

Are particles cute because they are small?

[theDentist]

An atom walks into a bordello and sees a female atom (2 big electrons) standing in front of him in a radiant white Nurse's outfit. "Wow!" he says. "Do you work here or are you the Madam, Curie?"

[EsmeraldaA]

In this case non existent, so I see.

But it made me laugh....
You naughty boy.

[Semper Paratus]

Atom drives up to pick up his date and she yells out the window, "I'll be ready in a half-life".

[theDentist]

Are particles cute because they are small?

Not according to Mae West.

[theDentist]

Atom looks in her window to see what's delaying her and she's dancing around the room in a frenzy, listening to music. "Why aren't you ready yet?" "'Cause I'm radio-active!"

[Irish_Thatcherite]

You naughty boy.

I am.

[Irish_Thatcherite]

The fanaticon?

[EsmeraldaA]

Well.
You see by now, I know you are....

[Semper Paratus]

Atom trying to get his young-un to quiet down and go to sleep tells him he better watch it or the anti-matter man is going to get him.

[theDentist]

She knew there was more to a fuel rod than just it's partical bits.