Posted on 11/10/2005 8:06:01 AM PST by Mike Bates
When it comes to bad manners, today's society is pretty much a hopeless case, author Lynne Truss says.
That didn't stop her front ranting about it in her latest book, "Talk to the Hand," a self-described "moral homily" that attacks rudeness the same way she critiqued bad punctuation in her 2003 best-seller "Eats, Shoots & Leaves."
"Please" and "thank you" are endangered in the public discourse, she writes in her new work, increasingly drowned out by inane mobile phone chatter, dismal customer service and the vulgar epithet she writes as "Eff Off."
"I say in the book that I have a flame of hope (that manners will improve) but it's very, very, very small," she told Reuters in an interview on Wednesday, the day after her book came out.
"Eats, Shoots & Leaves" sold 3 million copies worldwide, its publisher said. Seizing on that success, Gotham Books has rushed out "Talk to the Hand," which Truss calls "a big, systematic moan about modern life."
The New York Times called it "a thin and crabby diatribe" in a book review, adding, "The author may have been good for only one book-length conniption."
In any case Truss said writing her 206-page rant was therapeutic.
"It really, really made me feel better," she said. "I don't know whether I've just dumped it all onto my readers, which could be the case. I may have made everybody else feel bad in the process but I've made myself feel much better."
No, it is not just in Texas; it is everywhere.
"No problem" is a hippy-ism, detritus from the 1960s. Some people seem to believe it is the functional equivalent of "You're welcome," but they express different ideas.
"You're welcome" implies that the person who helped you did so willingly and gladly. Moreover, he or she derived some enjoyment from the interaction, and would be happy to help you in the future.
"No problem" implies that the person was not unduly put out or inconvenienced by helping you.
Of course, that is what those terms connote to someone who pays attention to the meanings of words. Who knows what they mean to the average high-school or college graduate? (You know the kind of people I have in mind: those who say "I could care less!" when they mean the opposite.)
There is absolutely no excuse for a lack of manners in adult, unfortunately that lack is the prime reaon for the lack in children. Children learn by example, and need frequent reminders.
Every once in a while I admit to lapses on my own, but I guess I am doing something right when my daughter brings it to my attention :)
I'm all over my young teen for an annoying and rude habit. When I offer her something, such as a soda or seconds on food, she'll shrug and reply "I'm good". "NO THANK YOU MOM!", I'll screech!
Does anyone say “thank you” anymore?
No, Miss Manners has not hijacked this column. It only appears that way.
The other evening I purchased a few items at a grocery store. The cashier, a male in his early twenties, handed me the change, saying “That’s six dollars.” There was a pause, and I expected him to say thanks or something along that line. He just glared at me, urging me with his eyes to make way for the next patron.
The following morning I was in a large electronics store. I walked to a cash register and the checkout person, a woman in her forties, screeched out, “zip code!” I didn’t know if she was talking to me or to another employee or to the cash register. Staring at me, she shouted it out again. Not “What's your zip code, please?” or “May I have your zip code?” Just plain “zip code!” Finishing the transaction, she handed me the receipt and gadget I’d bought and said, “There you go” as if she were conferring a knighthood on me.
My next stop was a discount department store. The cashier there was a girl probably in her late teens. She wasn’t a believer in saying thank you either. She preferred, “Here you are.” There was a pregnant pause while she waited for me to thank her. She could have waited nine months; that wasn’t going to happen.
I began to wonder if most retail stores even try to get their employees to be courteous. Maybe, with the job market as tight as it is, they gave up and are just grateful to have enough people to staff their operations.
One of the first things I learned on entering the workforce is that most jobs aren’t all that much fun. If they were, we’d be paying the boss, not the other way around. Still, you’d think that folks who deal with the public in their jobs would not go out of their way to be rude or act as though customers annoyed them. If it weren’t for customers, they may not have a job to support themselves and their families.
No doubt some merchandisers have attempted to inculcate employees with a modicum of civility, but apparently with limited success. Children learn manners from their parents most of the time. They’re not going to get them from Jerry Springer, wrestling shows or school. We parents must not be doing so well in this area.
There’s a general consensus that politeness is on the wane. A 1996 Gallup survey showed eight in ten Americans thought we were less civil then than a decade earlier. Three-quarters of those asked said that “not saying thank you” was very disrespectful.
Is being told “thank you” after handing over your hard-earned cash (or hard-earned credit card) too much to expect? It’s not like I expect a cashier to do a cartwheel, kiss my hand and invite me over for dinner. A mere acknowledgement that the store appreciates the business would be adequate.
Perhaps some people view expressing gratitude as a sign of servility. If so, that’s unfortunate. Courtesy actually reflects intelligence, thoughtfulness and consideration for others.
It’s said Thomas Jefferson and his grandson were out riding one day when a slave took off his hat and bowed. Mr. Jefferson politely returned the gesture. His grandson was busy talking, though, and ignored the man. Tom became very irritated and asked: “Do you permit a slave to be more of a gentleman than you?”
Edmund Burke said: “Manners are of more importance than laws. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in.”
A simple “thank you” isn’t a big deal, unless it’s ignored. Then it indeed becomes a source of vexation.
I thought of one way to deal with rude cashiers. It would be to say to them – quite loudly – “You’re very welcome!” But that wouldn’t be polite, would it?
By the way, thanks for reading this.
I have no idea why anyone would think that manners are inherent, don't these people remember being TAUGHT when they were children?
I am getting more and more annoyed at restaurant servers calling my husband and me (or whoever I happen to be with) "you guys". As in "What can I get you guys?" I am going to lose it one of these days and say something I shouldn't. Has anyone else had this experience?
My mother made sure to teach my brothers and me good table manners. Chewing with your mouth closed was a must whether at the table or not. And you never talk with your mouth full of food. Husband and I have tried to do the same with our children, but we have found that more and more children are not taught this. It's rather gross to hear all the smacking going on at the lunch table at school.
Regularly, and in all types of restaurants, not just Denny's.
Good for you.
When I get that type of reaction from my 7yo I just give her a look and say EXCUSE ME.........that usually illicits the proper, and polite, response.
Yes, THE look :-)
Excellent rant - and just as appropriate as it was in 1999.
"Regularly, and in all types of restaurants, not just Denny's."
I know! The servers seem to be the same whether it is a 4-5 star restaurant or a fast food joint!
How about "What can I get ya?" or "Waduhya want?"
I used to wait tables and have to confess to using the "you guys" from time to time. Never really thought too much about it. Used "you folks" sometimes too.
Maybe you guys should loosen up or Eff Off ;)
LOL!!!!
Yes, THE look........the one we always got from our mothers or fathers and swore we would never give to our own :)
I think cities make people cranky. All the nonstop noise, lack of clean air, traffic headaches, absence of trees, etc., all contribute to Americans having grouchy attitudes.
When my husband and I bolted Oakland County, MI a couple of years ago, we were happy to find the residents of our new home (Jackson County, MI) seemed...calmer. A little saner. Less hurried. The sales clerks were smiling and friendly and seemed more relaxed. The customer service was better, too.
I'm not an environmentalist at all -- I guess you'd call me a conservationist -- but living in a woodsy area near state land has done wonders for my stress level. I've noticed it with my kids, too.
Living in a rural area does do wonders for the stress level, espcially for people like me (and apparently you as well) who switch from city living to rural living.
The one thing that really made me laugh about this punctuation cop was that she kept refering to the Warner Brothers movie "Two Weeks Notice", which was missing an apostrophe.
She made a gaffe as well. The name of the company is "Warner Bros.", with the period at the end. Yes, Bros. is an abbreviation from Brothers, usually, but in the case of the WB, that's the actual name of the company.
Society no longer values the elderly and there is little respect for anyone. Why would anyone consider others, if they don't have any use for them? People today are incredibly selfish and self-absorbed.
I see how mean people are to one another on FR, especially the Religion threads and if I doubted the lack of respect in people, all I would need to do is drive a few miles in my car.
I read an article a while ago about companies hiring manners coaches so their employees wouldn't gross out business partners (i.e. customers) at lunch by licking their knives at the dinner table.
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