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"...if you can't tell the difference between teaching and harming..."

Very wise of you to put those two words together. For two seemingly completely different words, there is a very fine line between the two. One takes a lot of time, effort and hard work, the other is a knee jerk reaction. Most people can't tell the difference or even know where the line is, and to argue with them is pointless as they have already justified it themselves and don't want to hear otherwise (the other path takes a lot of hard work). Even most of those who seem to have it figured out when it comes to violence/physical abuse don't recognize it when it comes to emotional abuse and what they can't solve by hitting they try to resolve by screaming/insulting/name calling. You'll see a lot the same knee jerk type reaction here on FR when others won't accept their view of the world. What is scary is when it comes from people in places of authority in the overall society and not just in their own homes.