The point I was trying to make, probably poorly, is that the extremes are the extremes, existing at the far ends of the spectrum. If you go into a black dance club, you won't hear a lot of "kill whitey" songs. The same with white dance clubs. What you're going to hear are songs intended to help the guy "get some," which is the way it should be.
In any event, rap/hip hop is now changing. It's morphing into the mainstream, i.e. the Hey Yea song, which was a toe tapper. Also, if you remember the elections in the Ukraine, the protest song of choice was a hip hop song someone Ukrainian guy made up for the event.
I see what you are saying, and you are right to say that most black people aren't racist and get along with everybody, are nice, productive people, etc.
But there's still big racial problems in the country that run outside of the margins.
You can't honestly say we don't have some big issues when 60 some % of blacks think that Katrina victems were ignored because of their race, while less then 10% of white people think that.