Could you possibly make a funny scandal sound more boring? Like Greenspan writing the gossip page.
Awww...cheer up! He'll be going to jail soon and we won't have to see his hideous, ugly face in the papers anymore :-)
You should try your hand at freelance writing if you can do better than the Sun. I like they way they use British slang like "scarpered".in this story The Sun always advertises that they will give you FIVE POUNDS if you give them a story LOL you might make a better living selling blood :-)