Replies

The good husband’s guide

1. Take her out to dinner. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a reservation ready and a babysitter arranged. This is a way of letting her know that you have been thinking about her and are concerned about her needs. Most women are exhausted and harried by the time you come home and the prospect of a good meal (made and cleaned up by someone else) is part of the warm greeting needed.

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes on your way home to make yourself presentable. For goodness sake, man, brush your hair and chew a breathmint! She has just been with a lot of miniature walking Chinese torture devices all day long. (Your children.) The least you could do is have good breath.

3. Be interesting and witty. Make her laugh. Face it: Laundry and dishes are mind-numbingly dull. Her boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

4. Don’t ask her about the extra charges on the Visa...

5. Gather up your dirty socks, your dirty shirts, your shoes….then. WASH YOUR OWN LAUNDRY, YOU SLOB!

6. Over the cooler months of the year you should give her a glass of wine, light a fire for her to unwind by, and rub her feet until she falls asleep. Then go do the dinner dishes. Your wife will feel she has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to her sanity will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

7. Watch the children, and let her go out with the girls.

8. Tell her she’s beautiful all the time. Do not hate the weight she gained while carrying your children. Embrace it. It’s your fault.

9. Greet her with chocolate and a gift certificate for a mani/pedi.

10. Listen to her. No, REALLY!

11. Don’t ask her about the extra charges on the AmEx...

12. Your goal: Try to help her relax, despite the fact that she is in her workplace 24/7.

13. Don’t greet her with complaints and problems…and don’t ask her about the extra charges on the Mastercard... A woman has to have a vice.

14. Don’t complain if you come home to find her sitting on the couch in her pj’s surrounded by laundry and the breakfast dishes. Count this as minor compared to what the house would have looked like had she done NOTHING that day.

15. Draw a hot bubble bath for her, light some candles, put on some nice music…just to make her happy. Don’t do it for your own motives…ahem.

16. Arrange her pillow and offer to buy her expensive shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice when talking about shoes.

17. Don’t ask any questions about housework or question her parenting. Remember, she is the master of the house because you are gone during most waking hours. You have no right to question her.

18. A good husband knows his place.