Posted on 10/13/2005 11:37:42 AM PDT by madprof98
I was always very picky about which nursing homes I worked in...if I went on an interview, I had more questions for the personnel about their particular nursing home, than they had for me...they felt like I was grilling them...I also always insisted on an impromptu tour of the facility...if they were not willing to oblige me, then I was unwilling to work for them...all nursing homes should be open to any and all impromptu lookovers, by possible future employees...how else can we make a decision on whether or not we want to work there? I wanted to see the residents, see how the other staff did their job, I wanted to 'smell' the facility...yes, you read that right, I wanted to 'smell' the facility...
I can assure you, there are some facilities in my area, where I would never work, much less entrust them with any of my family members...
And for those who do have family in nursing homes, they must be vigilant, and visit their family member very, very frequently...
And your are right about nursing home costs eating up the elderly life savings or nest egg...the cost of the average nursing home is very, very high, and in no time at all, most of the elderly are destitute, being allowed to only keep $2K...and then Medicaid kicks in...depending on the facility, the number of Medicaid residents far, far outweighs the private pay resident...
Its much easier on the bank account, and much more caring, for the elderly person to remain in the home and be cared for by family...but from what I have seen in the growth and expansion of nursing home facilities, and asssisted care facilities and the like, the trend is to put more and more elderly into institutions...
I find it doubly tough to deal with. And I'd be pretty hesitant to play both doctor and junior detective to someone on the forum I don't know from Adam.
But that's just me.
But what about their liberty and pursuit of happiness. If they are horribly suffering, it's a little hard to pursue happiness other than in the loving arms of Jesus. Right to die means not forcing them to live beyond when they would normally die. If you are kept alive through artificial means and do not wish to be kept as such, then you no longer have life (as a normal person would call life) and your liberty and freedom is taken away when forced to be artificially kept alive. And I'll say it again, no, I did not think Terri should have been put to death, she was not suffering.
It's not odd at all. If you live long enough and nothing else gets you, odds are you'll get dementia. Not all dementia is caused by Altzheimer's. In fact, I think most of it is caused by circulatory problems. Lots of little small strokes that are so minor you wouldn't notice them by themselves, but they add up gradually over time and gradually destroy the brain.
Thanks for your kind comments...
BOTH of my D-i-L's grandparents have dementia. They are in their 80's. Why would you think that you know more about the couple mentioned than their daughter and their doctor?
Hang in there Lizarde. I have friends that are going thru the same with their parents.
And having spent volunteer time in these facilities (I had a great little dog who I took visiting weekly) the doors on all these facilities are locked. Dementia, or Alhiemers can very easily overwhelm the ability of family to care for family themselves, particularly if it is a spouse and the other spouse is also ailing. These people can have periods of great danger to themselves, but other periods where the sight of a little dog makes them happy for awhile. And it can hit people while they are otherwise very strong.
Honestly no. Grandma did lose a little as she became older, silly things like keeping slips of paper with friends names in her purse because she would forget, then she'd go fishing for the proper slip of paper.
Once she thought my husband was her son rather than grandson. Once she couldn't get through to us on the phone, so she got on her porch screaming our name till the neighbor called and said you better get over here. Nothing to be locked up about. Ultimately she had a stroke, she always said never put her in a nursing home, she lived to be 100 in her own home but that stroke did her in. She stayed at the nursing home for about 6 weeks before death. Occasionally she would physically fight with the staff, I always figured that was during her lucid moments, that she was extremely pissed to be in a home. She was a corker tho, always was a dandy.
Several wanted to put her in a home years earlier but I always stood up for her right to die in her own home. Sure, she was blind and I always figured she'd end up getting hurt some way but she wanted to stay in her own home. She was 100 years old and should be treated with the respect of an adult, not like a two year old who has no say.
And thanks for kindly correcting me.
Actually you can get dementia from a whole host of things...Alzheimers being the main one that comes to mind....but also many patients who have Parkinsons also have a form a dementia that almost mirrors Alzheimers...often patients are misdiagnosed with one or the other....
Then there is the natural aging process, or a series of small strokes as you described(TIAs), or one or two major strokes, and on and on...
Dementia in any form can be so very scarey....and often families do have a hard time dealing with dementia...its very heartbreaking to have your loved one no longer remember who you are, or who they even are, or what their whole past life was like...
And often those with dementia are fairly well off physically...they still want to do many of the things they used to do, such as cook, and yet are mentally so badly off, that they cannot be trusted to do those things...they do have to be watched...
At the nursing homes where I have worked, all the Alzheimers/Dementia residents were kept on a separate locked-down wing....for their own safety, as well as for the safety of the other residents who were in the nursing home...
Every situation is different but some like to paint with a broad brush. Funny, but you don't seem evil at all! Just concerned about your parents and not wanting them to hurt and suffer.
Yikes...my hubby just returned home, and we have to go out shopping a little...but I sure do hope that this thread continues, as I find it so very interesting and informative...hope to return to this thread, when the shopping chores are over with...
I believe your heart's in the right place, but you can do evil with good intentions. Great evil.
Physically healthy people with dementia or Alzheimers are the absolute hardest patients to care for, and it's the cruelest disease for those around them. These people become paranoid and confused, combative and a danger to themselves, and there is nothing you can do about it.
We'd all like to have the dignity of lucid self-determination. Alzheimers and dementia rob people of that, not the family members who must do what's really safest and best for them.
You know, it's true I don't know you or your situation but I just think it's horrid to lock up your parents. Perhaps it's me and I've never been in that situation but I find it hard to wrap my head around that.
I suppose if you truly believe this is the way they wanted to live their last days, you would know better than I. Personally, if that ever happens to me, I hope some other disease kills me.
I'd rather my family members let me take a long walk off a short pier than force me to live like that. However, I do believe in God and feel death is not this horrible thing that is often portrayed. I'd rather be in heaven than in a home wearing a diaper.
Yeah - I gotta go too, off to get a new battery for our dead truck.
Are they married to each other or is it one from each set of grandparents.
There isn't a person in the world that wants it. But you'll have to take that up with God. In the mean-time, people have to make decisions.
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