"Steady foundation of self" isn't what's lacking. "Coherent and abiding sense of right and wrong" is what's lacking.
Parents are unwilling to tell their daughters (and sons) "no," "don't you dare," and "that's absolutely WRONG," and "do that and I will make you pay dearly". They're unwilling to tell them that because they don't know the difference between being a parent and pal (but even a quality friend doesn't let a friend do some of this stuff). Plus, many of them are moral ignoramuses who believe idiocy like "all teenagers have sex anyway, just tell her to use protection and she can go ahead and sleep with her boyfriend ... and if he's a 38yo pervert, well, who are we to judge?"
Sometimes my younger kids get mad at me and say things like "you're not my friend"! By the time they're 8 or so, they know that will earn them the swift retort, "You're darn right I'm not your friend; I'm your father, and don't you EVER forget that!"
Just giving you the usual spiel from the permissive losers who populate these boards.
A 17 year old girl should know better than to get involved with a loser as creepy as her murderer.
Sleeping with an unemployed 38 year old man who spends all his time hanging around teenage girls while taking drugs and living off a disability check is just horrible, horrible judgment.
Any FReeper with a teenage daughter should hammer home the dangers of dealing with strange men.
>>>Sometimes my younger kids get mad at me and say things like "you're not my friend"! By the time they're 8 or so, they know that will earn them the swift retort, "You're darn right I'm not your friend; I'm your father, and don't you EVER forget that!">>>
LOL, yes, I've used that myself. My daughters have told me I'm a big meany (which gets them punished for disrespect of the big meany). I reply that I am THE big meany and we have plenty of time to be friends when they graduate college. Mom is mom right now.
Good for you. I made some pretty horrendous mistakes when I was my daughter's age and she knows it. So when I got the inevitable "you're a hypocrite," I told her that she could choose to look at me and at imperfect people like that, but I didn't see what that bought her. It's the last time I heard that argument. We have to acknowledge our own human frailty and sinfulness and then not be cowed by it. Raising kids can certainly be tough. It's hard to look in that parent mirror!