October 3, 3005--Scientists at the University of Cambridge uncovered a rare work of art from the last millennium. Dr. Norberg Blainsworth, director of early AmeriAsian studies, says the work represents a cannibalistic ceremony performed by an internet (the ancient communication and information transmission infrastructure) conversation group known as "FREEPers".
"FREEPers were members of a group called "Free Republic", Blainsworth said, "They espoused limited government and self-worth, but often, if an unknown member was introduced into their area of concern, they would turn into the most ravenous flesh-eaters you ever saw."
While Blainsworth couldn't pinpoint the exact event that preceded the art discovered on an ancient "Dell" computer hard drive discovered in the shores off Utah, he was able to give reporters a sense of what would set "FREEPers" off. "Evidence indicates that around a thousand years ago, a government official named Myers was proposed to be put in charge of a court--at least that is the evidence we've found so far. Many FREEPers, because this "Myers" wasn't a member of their inner circle, immediately began a vicious attack upon a government executive--known then as a "President", and even upon each other. There is some scant evidence the cannibalism was rhetorical and metaphorical, but we're looking into the possibility some FREEPers actually consumed the heart and flesh of others who wanted to join."