America is a big blue bucket of meat

The Star ^ | 9/25/5 | Michael Bowers

[SmithL]

I like Portillo's as much as the next guy. An Italian beef sandwich, dipped in juice until it has drowned, is a great way to break up the work day.

But it also can be a costly habit. If you order out four days a week, that's $150 a month, easy. Enough to pay ComEd and Comcast both.

Therefore, I've been fine-tuning my bachelor's guide to feeding yourself. I call it the Big Blue Bucket of Meat Method. It cuts my lunch cost to about $2 a day, instead of $6.

Of course, to save money, you have to spend it. My initial capital investment was $400 or more. First, you need a small freezer. I got one at Sam's Club for less than $175.

Then you have to lay in a large supply of Rubbermaid Servin' Saver Plus microwave bowls. I prefer the 1.1-quart size, shallow and round. The Servin' Saver is key. You can't have the Big Blue Bucket of Meat without the Servin' Saver.

Meatbucket Day starts with a drive to Sam's Club on Harlem Avenue in Tinley Park. You need to bring along the $400 that you have been saving up for the past few months by not eating out. Then you head to the meat department. What a joy. Great big roasts; thick, garlicky tenderloins; family packs of hamburgers; mega-packs of chicken breasts … you just can't go wrong.

Now haul your meat home and start cooking. I divide my roasts into two 20-quart stock pots. Cover them with soup and put them on low. Come back six or eight hours later. There ya go! The meat is so tender that it crumbles in your hands.

Other cuts must be baked. Here, cooking is a more exact science. This where the meat thermometer comes in. Buy a basic cookbook and find the temperature that indicates the meat is done. This requires a little more skill than the stovetop meat. But, fellow guys, I figured it out, so you can too.

Now, with your meat all cooked, the Big Blue Bucket enters the picture. Last time I had so much meat that I had to wash out one of my Rubbermaid laundry baskets for temporary storage. I nearly filled it to the brim. I was mightily proud. A Big Blue Bucket of Meat — this is exactly what I had been working all day to create. I weighed it for the record (94 pounds) and photographed it for posterity.

But soon enough, the afterglow fades, and you must get back to work. You must divide your meat into the Servin' Savers. Then you place each Servin' Saver in a plastic bag in order to save your meat from freezer burn.

Finally, of course, everything is stacked into the freezer. There ya go — again! You've got a great big pile of meat, and nobody can take that away from you. You might be broke for the next three months, or your car might break down or your cat might die. But as long as the power stays on, at least you know you won't go hungry.

Family and friends are usually both amused and distressed when I show them my meat photo. "Gross!" they say. "Are those body parts in there?" Well of course they are — chicken body parts, pig body parts and cow body parts.

I don't understand why they should be taken aback. For instance, when Mom cooks up a 9-pound roast for the whole family, everyone goes "yum" and reaches for the fork. So if 9 pounds of meat is mouth-watering, why is 90 pounds disturbing?

Secretly, I know they're jealous. One of my colleagues in particular razzed me all morning about my meat bucket. But at the end of a long day, she sighed deeply and said: "God, I'm tired. And now I have to go home and feed three children. I wish I had a Big Blue Bucket of Meat."

I hope she makes one. I'll be happy to share my recipe. That's a key difference between Republicans and Democrats, you see. Fifteen months ago, Hillary Clinton told rich San Franciscans:

"Many of you are well enough off that ... the tax cuts may have helped you. We're saying that for America to get back on track, we're probably going to cut that short and not give it to you. We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

In other words, if you're a Republican, you want everyone to have a Big Blue Bucket of Meat. You encourage self-reliance and a strong economy. You know the way to help Americans is to cut taxes, not increase them.

Democrats simply cannot grasp this. They just want to hunt down the people who already have a bucket of meat and take it away from them. They think this is the way to make America prosperous. It's not. It's the way to make America weak.

Michael Bowers is a copy editor and page designer for The Star. Send e-mail to mbowers@starnewspapers.com.

[az wildkitten]

What's cooking tonight?

[Roccus]

E Z day today, still have plenty of left-overs. }:^)
Buddy's coming over for the race. Frying some breaded zuchini, then putting on tomato sauce and mozzorella cheese and into the broiler. My version of zuchini pizza. But you gotta use a fork.

[SmithL]

Ummmm!, Michael's Big Blue Bucket of Meat:

[Mr. K]

"Many of you are well enough off that ... the tax cuts may have helped you. We're saying that for America to get back on track, we're probably going to cut that short and not give it to you. We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

An uncommon burst of truth. Its WRONG but she still said what she intended to do.

[newgeezer]

Ping. This is great!