Oh I had some real tangles with this dog for quite a while. I called it "kennel behavior". They're really just bewildered and freightenend. I'll tell you something silly that I did, that I really think was the turning point. My dog liked to play, but it was obvious that she was taught "rough stuff" growling tugs-of-war, etc. she chased cars, she barked almost incesantly, she was one "wound-up" dog.
When I got home from work and into my sweats, I'd pull her onto the couch with me and start petting her. Then I'd slowly massage her. I'd gently rub her legs down to the pads on her feet (at first she didn't trust me to do this and would actually nip at me), all behind her ears, all the time looking into her face and telling her, "I love my Rosie. I love my little doggie." Really, it took a while for her get used to it, but once she finally learned to relax she was practically catatonic! I don't think she'd ever experienced that level of affection, but gradually it won her over. I can do anything I want to that dog now, and she accepts my every touch. Her level of obedience is perfect. It's one vocal command. No more barking. No more car chasing.
Now when she wants "lovins" she just lays her head on my lap like, "C'mon, get with it!"
It just takes time and patience. They've been through a lot of loss and how could you ever explain it to them?
Try giving her something of yours (like a shirt that you have worn recently) when you leave. Also sometimes a TV left on or a radio helps. If all else fails try to take her with you as much as you can, or your vet can prescribe a sedative if she is really frantic.
I found both of your stories touching, stories about our pets trying to recover from losing their original families and going on to a new family...
This reminded me of an experience I once had...I have worked in nursing homes for several years...many of our residents have had to give up their beloved pets, when they come into the nursing home...and this is so hard on them...they will talk to you about their pets, keep pics of their pets on their nightstands...
There was an elderly gentleman I took care of, who was very old, and terminally ill with cancer, and was basically in the nursing home to be cared for while living out his last few months of life...he had a little dog, ,that he loved to much, and when he talked about the little dog, he just cried so much, ,it broke my heart...he had given up his dog, and made a great effort to find someone who would adopt his beloved pet, and give the dog a good home...he found a wonderful middle aged lady who loved the dog, and the dog seemed to bond with her as well..
As the weeks went on, and his condition worsened, the old man had one last wish...to see his little dog again...the nursing home, hoping to assist this man in granting his last wish, was able to contact the woman, and asked her if she would be willing to bring the dog to the nursing home to visit the old man...she was very willing, and she was overjoyed that she could help this old man...
And so one afternoon, she came in with the little dog...the old man wanted to be dressed up in his best clothing, and wanted to be seated in his wheelchair when he saw his little dog again...he did not want to be in his hospital gown, in bed...for whatever reason, he wanted to look his best and put on the best face, for his little dog...
When the woman and the little dog got to the nursing home, you could just tell that this woman loved the dog, and the dog loved her...they had been together for some months, from the time the old man had to be in the nursing home...and the woman and the little dog, just seemed to be a loving pair...seems like you can always tell, when a pet and its owner love each other...
But when the woman and the dog went into the old mans room, the little dog, just began to jump up and down, and just scream....he was so excited to see his old owner...the old man was crying, the woman was crying, I was crying, as was just about everyone else in the nursing home, who saw this reunion...not a dry eye in the house...it was so touching...
The woman stayed for an hour or two, putting the little dog in the old mans lap....I believe that hour or two, was the happiest time this old man had spent in a long, ,long time...all too soon, the time came for the lady to leave...the old man kissed his dog good bye, for the final time...more tears started to flow from everyones eyes...the woman and her little dog left...the little dog seemed sad to leave his old owner, yet at the same time, willingly and happily went with his new owner...it was as if, the little dog knew, ,that his old owner was going to die soon, and that the lady, his new owner would take care of him in the future as she had been doing all along...dogs do sense these things...
Soon aftewards, within days, the old man died...but I know, for those few short hours, with his dog, he was a happy, blessed man, who in spite of his pain and illness, and very near impending death, found pure joy in the friendship and love of his dog...
It burns me up no end, when folks act like our beloved pets, are just belongings, just things...they are not just belongings, just things...for many people, pets are very often the one thing in their lives, that give some sense of meaning and love to their lives...