...Different Day
Posted on 09/23/2005 2:54:12 PM PDT by GianniV
It turns out that Heaven isn't above Hell, but rather, Heaven and Hell share the same plane and are separated only by a long wooden fence. One day, the Devil decides to throw this huge bash. Lots of bands perform with some of the biggest names, and the Damned start having a heck of a party. Toward the end of festivities, a big fireball fight breaks out and, sure enough, one lands on the fence and burns it down.
God complains to the Devil and insists that the Devil rebuild the fence.
The Devil says, "Sure, no problem. I've got all the union leaders over here as well as most of the building contractors."
So, the fence is rebuilt but it's three feet to one side so that Hell has taken over three feet of Heaven. God is MAD.
"If you don't move that fence back," yells God, "I'm gonna sue you."
"Yeah, right," says the Devil. "Where are you gonna get a lawyer?"
OK here's another Lawyer joke I snagged off a recent thread.... and then we've got to get back to finding those angry unshorn womyn some razors LOL
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own!"
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"
The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger.
He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get onto his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads:
"Here lies Shirley, wife of Sam Johnson, LLD, Wills, Divorce, Malpractice, and Immigration Legal Services"
Suddenly, Sam bursts into tears. His brother says, "You SHOULD cry, pulling a cheap stunt like this on Shirley's tombstone!"
Through his tears, Sam sobs, "You don't understand! They left out the phone number!"
LOL!
Attorney jokes lurking here among some GREAT photoshops PING!
...Different Day
see #81 - now you can lose your Saturday night urges, too...
Finito...now it'll just be something else to dry off after the shower.
Is that Cindys smoking pride? Oh wait,She's given birth to a
DU troll!
Holy Crap........It is Bette Midler without Makeup.
YUKYUKYUK
They don't look much older than 20, but can you imagine what sniveling brats these two were at, say, age 14 or 15? Hey fellas, grow up.
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