Oh you poor thing.
However, I know in Jamaica, Queens there are some Carribean "places" where you can buy eggs and live animals and have them "Processed" for you. My daughter usually buys rabbits for Easter Dinner there. Her God-Father has a (strange ?) sense of humor.
When I lived in Richmond Hill I used to take my Polish Mother in law there. Sutphin blvd. I think.
If you're really nice to them, they will even catch the blood for you in a jar, with a small amount of vinegar. Then you can make the Polish black soup delicacy called "chuenyenna".
My friend went to Chinatown and bought one of those illegal turtles!