We all felt we had an important role to play, even if it was just catching dinner down by the creek with a cane pole and a few worms.
When you are 9 or 10, bringing home dinner is a point of pride, even if you do have to clean it!
Working on the farm helped, though it was my Grandfather's farm, just a half mile through the woods.
Dad did not farm, but he took us hunting and fishing a lot, was involved in the community (as was mom), and taught us that we could do virtually anything if we wanted to take the time to learn. He was fearless about building something, working on an engine, whatever needed to be done. He would get the manual and figure it out, if he did not already know how.
The family business (or a family project) just might bring that relevance back.
We are remodeling our house (built in 1912) around ourselves while living there (one room at a time), and involving our live-in grand children--mostly girls (and those who do not live with us) as much as possible, within their abilities and interests.
They are interested, more so than in watching TV.
They are not only picking up skills, which translate to self confidence and self respect, but they are feeling a part of something bigger than any one of us individually. It really makes a difference.
William Golding had the answer to this one.
Your remodeling project and how you're involving the kids sounds wonderful. I wish I had done more of that when my children were in the elementary & junior high years. As it was, when my kids were old enough for paid jobs, it was VERY hard to get them to do that-- I had to push and nag, push and nag, and deprive them of money, but I did it! ;) Both worked full-time every summer and part-time during much of the school year.
You would be amazed how many parents just allowed their teens to drift & play, working very little or not at all. Heck, I know one young man who wasn't forced to work by his parents until the summer after his freshman year in college-- almost 20 years old. And, I know lots more who worked only very intermittently and very little. For quite a while my daughters thought I was really mean (and stingy) on this issue.
But, now my daughters (18 & 19) like working-- they like their increasing financial independence and they even like how it helps to structure their time. Both will be in college this year, and both will also work part-time. Meanwhile, they've drifted away from the friends who still mostly just hang out, and found other friends who are also progressing towards adulthood.