The Hidden Life of Dogs (Dave Barry) (LOL!)

Maimi Herald ^ | Dave Barry

[Eaker]

[Miss Marple]

My dad had a wonderful border collie, who absolutely loved my dad. She was very smart and would work hard. One day she was in the house and knocked over some just-filled canning jars, making a big mess. My dad yelled at her.

She fainted! I am not making this up!

My dad felt so guilty that he would never discipline her again. She became a very smart, spoiled dog. (Although she really was mostly well-behaved.)

[TC Rider]

[TC Rider]

[mercy]

Well!!

SOME people have really stupid dogs. MY dogs are multi-taskers. Their current main function (to their mind) is the eradication of the Armadillo that is methodically rototilling my entire 1 acre yard. (We don't count the surrounding many acres of wilderness.

However there is some dissension on this point as Third dog (who is actually to her mind First dog) believes that sitting under the trees and barking at the squirrel is the primary focus around here and that the Armadillo is just play time.

Anyway, after several bouts of squirrel harassment during the day they settle down after sunset in their beds along the back french doors to do guard duty. The wiley Armadillo has become quite leery of coming out before 11:00 or so. They take turns standing guard but for dinner time where they assume their accustomed place under the table waiting for bites.

After dinner they go back to the french doors. Until about 10:30 which is THEIR dinner time. After, they do another few minutes at the french doors until that stupid smooth thing comes out.

First dog is always the one to spot it. I think he has the best eyes. How providential that it is time for them to go out and potty anyway. They all rush out ( I have learned to stand well to the side of the door as the combined weight of the three of them is about 240 pounds and my knees are shiite these days).


After rolling the hapless smooth thing around a bit (just try grabbing up an Armadillo sometime) it invariably escapes to one of its eight or so holes in the wilderness I call the back yard. (Hey! I mowed once this year) Once the smooth thing is gone under the rock or down hole #2a they dutifully water the appropriate trees and come inside.

Well that's a lot for one post regarding such magnificent dogs. Maybe sometime I will tell you about riding in the pickup truck which is what these canines were REALLY made for.

[Arpege92]

So your dog is a squirrel chaser huh? My dog prefered deer. My hubby would walk our dog into a field and it would be constantly filled with deer. Once he saw them, he took off like a rocket and chased the deer into the woods, come strutting back, and looking at my hubby as if he had done the greatest thing in the world. I always got a chuckle out of that.

[Boxsford]

a main dog and backup dog? LOL!

[Boxsford]

and, you know nu, speaking of Seinfeld (and you have in the past)this story sort of has a correlation between dogs and men. Jerry Seinfeld admits himself what men are thinking about--'nothing'. think about it--historic marker; kitchen counter....food! ;)

[nuconvert]

LoL

[tnlibertarian]

in his travels in the wee hours

Which sums up Dave's summary.