Posted on 08/05/2005 11:26:45 AM PDT by BurbankKarl
It's 7:30 p.m. and the Cuddle Party is about to begin.
The 20 or so people who fill the Bodymind Institute in Los Angeles are all wearing pajamas, and a few look nervous. Their anxious expressions say, "I hope this is fun because I'm standing here in my pajamas with a bunch of strangers." They range in age from early 20s to early 60s and represent all races, shapes and sizes. Everyone wears a name tag.
They have come to experience "an affectionate play event for adults, designed to provide a space to explore and enjoy touch, nurturing and communication" -- developed a year ago by two thirtysomething New Yorkers. Men and women pay $30 to spend the afternoon hanging around in pajamas, nuzzling, cuddling, holding hands with and touching people they just met.
Skeptics immediately think "orgy," but facilitators insist this isn't the case. They swear it's a nonsexual event that's more about communication than copulation. It's a place to practice "boundary setting, personal growth and personal change," according to Andrew Schwartz, the night's facilitator and Cuddle Lifeguard on Duty. He's thrown seven Cuddle Parties since he brought the concept to Los Angeles in February.
Colorful comforters and about a dozen pillows cover the floor of the room, which is bigger than a bedroom and otherwise empty. It opens onto a large patio, where a table sits filled with peanuts, chips, bottled water and breath mints.
Schwartz, 29, and his assistant, Cuddle Caddy Rebecca Reagan, 31, invite the PJ-ed partygoers to form a "Welcome Circle" to get started. "This is where we create the safe space for cuddling to follow," he says as he begins to go over the Cuddle Party rules.
They sound simple enough: pajamas stay on the whole time; no sex allowed; you must ask permission and get a verbal "yes" before touching anyone.
"If you're a yes, say yes and if you're a no, say no," he tells the group.
"If you're a maybe, say no," he says, adding that participants are encouraged to change their minds at any time, even midcuddle.
When he reads Rule No. 7, everyone laughs: "No dry humping." "Full-body hugs are OK," Schwartz says. "But the pelvic grind is not allowed."
What if, during one of those full-body hugs, cuddlers get excited and (ahem) arousal occurs? "Arousal is OK," he says. "We're completely capable of controlling ourselves. If an erection occurs, it doesn't mean he's coming onto you." Whew.
After a round of introductions and a few more rules (be hygienically savvy, respect people's boundaries), it's time to practice saying no.
Participants are told to pair up, ask each other for a kiss, then decline the offer. The idea is to get comfortable with offering and experiencing rejection.
"Congratulations. You've all just been rejected and you're still alive," Schwartz says. "We're trying to create an atmosphere of freedom and fun around asking. Getting a no doesn't make you a loser and saying no doesn't make you a heartless monster. No just means no."
That's the kind of honesty return cuddler Kenny Walheim really appreciates.
"A guy would prefer a woman to just say no, instead of the hemming and hawing," says the 25-year-old from Tarzana. "What I think is cool is that I can just ask whatever I want and I can pretext my question with 'feel free to say yes or no.' It really validates my ability to ask questions."
A hugging exercise follows the rejection practice. This time, participants are told to seek four hugs -- asking first, of course, and answering requests honestly. The circle rises to its feet and everyone starts embracing.
There's just one more exercise before open cuddling can begin.
Schwartz tells the group to get on all fours and pretend they are cows. He encourages them to "moo" and form a close-knit herd. Then he tells everyone to tip over, "like cows when you tip them."
"This is how we trick you into cuddling," he says. "Have fun, relax and welcome to Cuddle Party."
It's close to 9 p.m. when the unstructured cuddling gets underway. Most of the tipped cows immediately stand up and head to the patio for a snack.
Participants seem a little more relaxed, though no one is touching yet. Half the group is outside, the rest are sitting on the floor chatting. Soft jazz music plays in the background.
A few minutes later, there's contact. A heavy-set woman named Candace is having her long blond hair stroked by a wiry young guy named Jeff. Another guy, Nir, who said he came because he "loves pajamas," rubs her feet.
Nearby, a curly haired brunette asks a bald man if she can lean against his back. Two women form a back-rub conga line and are quickly joined by a couple of the guys. Others lie around on their bellies, clutching pillows, talking and laughing.
"This feels like a seventh-grade slumber party," said Ron Levine, 63, a licensed marriage and sex therapist in Van Nuys who came to Cuddle Party to see if he could use any of the techniques to enhance his practice. "It could more accurately be called a cuddle workshop, because it's a place where men and women can learn the art of nonsexual touch."
Even though Reagan, the Cuddle Caddy, and Walheim, are engaged in a full-body hug on the floor, the party vibe really isn't sexual. It actually feels goofy, playful and innocent.
That's what brought UCLA graduate student Julie Soller to Cuddle Party. After reading about it on Craigslist in April, she decided to give it a shot. At first she was worried about the creepy-guy quotient, but she had such a positive experience, she has kept coming back. This is her fourth Cuddle Party.
"As a single woman, I share the situation where it's hard to get any physical touch in your life unless you have a partner or live with your mom and dad," she says. "Our culture equates touch with sexuality or times of crisis. There's not a lot of space in this culture for affectionate touch, but we all need it."
Cuddle Party provides a safe environment for cuddling and communication, Schwartz said. It teaches participants to accept rejection and how to set boundaries "clearly and straightforwardly."
"It's a place where we can really be more natural and human about affectionate touch," he said. "We can ask for what we want very simply and trust the other person will give us an honest answer."
He and Reagan consider Cuddle Party a personal-growth workshop. They cite lasting benefits, such as overcoming shyness or fear of rejection. Soller said she used communication skills she learned at Cuddle Party in her romantic relationship "and it worked really well."
As the night goes on, partygoers become increasingly comfortable. Most seem to have forgotten that a reporter and photographer are in the room.
Although allowed under Cuddle Party rules, no one is kissing. There are several full-body hugs happening though, some involving multiple people. Reagan lies with the bald guy and gently strokes his face. In Cuddle Party lingo, she's a cuddle-mingler.
So is this just a quirky new singles event? Do people leave together?
"I haven't gotten the sense that people are using the parties as a way to hook up," says Schwartz, who holds a bachelor's degree in psychology and worked as a counselor in a psychiatric crisis house before hosting Cuddle Parties.
"The whole purpose of Cuddle Party is to explore affectionate touch that's in the middle range -- it's not the perfunctory handshake and it's not sex," he said. "We're looking at affectionate touch, but not in the sexual realm."It's true; everyone's pajamas are still on. The mood is warm and friendly, but not exactly romantic.
At around 10:45, Schwartz and Reagan call the cuddlers into a circle again. It's time for the Puppy Pile, a closing tradition at Cuddle Party. "We don't go more than three layers," Schwartz says matter-of-factly, as participants navigate where in the pile they belong. "Those who want to hang around the edges can be the crust of the puppy pile."
Participants lay down grid-style, like a house built with Lincoln Logs. Reagan helps Walheim, whose arms are paralyzed, get into position.
After a few minutes in the pile, someone on the bottom complains he can't breathe. The pile disseminates, and everyone gathers for a group hug.
Schwartz thanks the cuddlers for coming and warns that they might feel a little intoxicated from all the affection. The party ends just after 11 p.m., but people linger about, chatting and trading phone numbers.
They then change out of their pajamas and go home.
California the Cereal -- Full of fruits, nuts and flakes.
This is a CSI show ready to happen. One dead cuddler, so many suspects, but it was death by rattle.
Cuddle this (tosses in a cactus).
I want Man Cards from every male there.
A-Frame was more fun.
shudder
LOL! I know what you mean. Let me think... they've had the S&M crowd, the people who like to dress up as stuff animals crowd, the midgets, and those who like "rotund" people crowd episodes.
Now accepting applications...
Amen, brother.
"The first rule of Cuddle Party is...
Don't talk about Cuddle Party."
Un-freaking-Real ... what is wrong with these people?
Good gravy! I'm glad I'm not a liberal.
Cuddle Party my arse...Sounds more like a Group Grope.
Disenfranchised Democrats..........
And the second rule of Cuddle Party is .... Don't talk about Cuddle Party!
I just have a girlfriend...
You know you're a CSI junkie when you've seen every episode three times and still watch it.
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